How to Have and Hold Dazzling Conversation With Anyone

Do you know how to have a conversation? I don’t just mean any old boring conversation, I mean do you know how to have dazzling, memorable, incredible conversation?
Knowing how to start, hold and end a conversation smoothly is one of the most important people skills you can have.

I noticed a pattern—most of the bad conversations had a very specific sequence of events leading up to the actual awkward moment. Here’s what we heard over and over again:

I signed up for this networking event a few weeks before and had no idea who was going or what the organization was all about, but a friend of a friend recommended it.
On the way over, I caught up on a few calls and checked my email before walking in.
My calendar said 5pm start time, so I showed up at 5:30pm hoping I would be fashionably late.
Once I got inside, I noticed the event was much larger (or smaller) than I anticipated and, oops, someone was presenting up front. I tried to get my name-tag and sign in as quietly as possible.
I missed most of what the speaker said, but when she finally finished up people around me began to rekindle conversations and talk about what was said.
I tried to talk to a few groups around me, but couldn’t really engage or had a bland back and forth.
Most of the night was awkward and not helpful—I didn’t make any useful connections.
I want to stop this pattern! How can you make dazzling conversation with anyone you meet? How can you get business and connections and dates out of your meetings? I want to show you that there is both an art and a science to effective communication.

I have broken down the structure of a conversation into 10 steps that will take your average interactions and make them awesome ones.

The Step-By-Step Guide to Having Awesome Conversations:
Step #1: Conversational Intention Gives You Purpose
One of the biggest conversational mistakes is going into your events, dates, meetings and parties directionless.

You would never start driving to a new destination without the address so why would you start a conversation without a goal in mind?

A conversation without a game plan is like driving without a map.

Like any good athlete, conversationalists practice, prepare and execute with the intention to win. While you don’t want to ‘win’ a conversation, you might want to win business, win friends or win new ideas.

Before any social interaction, set your intention, know your crowd and do your research. This doesn’t have to be anything major. Just think of one sentence answers to the following while you get ready or are driving to your event: Who, What, When, Why.

Who: Who is hosting the event?
What: What kinds of people are going?
When: When is it and what’s the schedule?
Why: Why are you going?
Even a simple, “I want to find some new clients” or “I want to have a great time” sets up an intention that means you are more likely to have purpose while speaking to people. Purpose provides confidence, boosts influence and is contagious. As humans, we like someone with direction.

Step #2: Approach As Friend Not Foe
We make our first impression in the first few seconds of seeing someone—this happens sometimes before you even start talking. Most people think that we don’t make our first impression until we start talking, but this is not the case. Be sure that before you even start the conversation, you are approaching it with open and confident body language. When we first see someone, our brain is trying to gauge if they are friend or foe. You want to signal ‘friend’ signals right off the bat. Here’s how to have open body language right when you walk in the door:

Keep your hands visible
Roll your shoulders down and back so they are nice and relaxed
Smile when you see someone you recognize or you want to talk to
Make eye contact as you walk towards them or say hello