If Guns were Toasters!

If guns were toasters! Americans would have the right to bare toasters, though some states would limit the size and quantity of bread you could toast. Deranged individuals would break into high schools and public venues, and start making toast. Teachers and pupils would be forced to hide, as thick slices of nicely browned toast flew in all directs.

The National Toaster Association would lobby Washington to relax restrictions on toaster ownership. You'd have toaster fairs, where licensed dealers would sell a wide range of models to anyone with ID. You'd be able to buy anything from small budget models to industrial toasters that can brown an endless amount of bread. You'd have silent models and vintage toasters, restored to their former glory.

Gluten Freedom Campaigners would have their own chapters. Toasting conventions would bring together aficionados of toasted cheese sandwiches.

Obviously there'd be accidents and incidents. Parents would forget to secure their toasters. Children would accidentally burn themselves trying to make toast. You'd have an unenvious high level of toast crime, including drive-by toasted bun fights. Convenience stores would be held up by thugs carrying toasters. And desperate souls would end their lives by sharing a bath with a toaster.

I'm sure this is not how the Founding Fathers of America envisaged the future of their country would be - an age when the toasting fork was king!