Redacted Journal - December 1-7, 2019

in hacking •  4 years ago 

Dec 1st, I woke from the sound of the person upstairs walking around 4 am, but was able to get back to sleep and get up around 7:30 am. I got ready and watched a bunch of youtube. I listened to Pawson’s "Jesus as a light to the gentiles'' on the way to church... A woman behind me stopped me and said she recognized me. She is from Ignite Hosanna Church, the one who was so enthusiastic. She kept asking if I was a student, missionary, tourist, etc. Mom had just directly asked me what was the nature of my status and I said I preferred not to say. She asked me what I was doing for Christmas and invited me to her house. I declined. I also said I was looking for work, but it would have to be temporary. I tried to find where to donate the blankets. Sarah told me to give it to Madison. I did, and she invited me to the church meeting… I was asked to help with giving and gathering ballots to vote on an elder. I talked to the worship leader and offered to sign Oh Holy Night on Christmas Eve. I walked home. Ellie asked me how it was going working with Mariam. I finished Pawson's sermon and found a korean drama to watch. There was an over-the-top cheesy scene, and my internet stopped working even though it shows I'm still connected. I journaled and read my Bible for a while. While I did, loud music played and Ellie knocked on my door and said something in French. I was able to finish the episode and watch another. I made lunch which is when I found my food bag was left in the kitchen. Fortunately, nothing spoiled. I ate, watched youtube, and went to pay rent. I texted Emilia I was there at 8:05, and at 8:19 she told me to pay the guy in 211.

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I told Easton and he came. He wrote $450 and seemed to insist on it but gave way. His handwriting was very poor. I tried to correct him, but he stood up and said something like if I don't have confidence in him I can pay Claire. He pointed me to other examples of his handwriting to say it was okay. I asked him not to be angry. He said he isn't angry, he just talks like that and writes like that. I said that's true. We hassled a little more about how he wrote the receipt. I said I wanted to be polite, but his handwriting was hard for me to read. He said impossible, it's like a doctor's or pharmacist's. When I was content I paid. I said maybe (we will do this) next time. He said I should stay here. I am very kind. I put my Narcissist Awareness brochure on my blog.

Dec 2nd, I woke around 2:30, perhaps again, around 3:30, and stayed awake till around 7:30. I played a song and got ready. Easton played Arab music loudly (he sang along). I sent Les a link to my blog, and Christine sent me a link to her twitter page so I could watch the progress and how many likes and shares.

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I had opened a bunch of youtube videos to watch, but most of them were the videos I had not selected. I rode my bike to class... The class continued the topic of health emergencies. In the story, Marc's mom didn't like being at the hospital. He was telling a friend about her health. During break, Mariah laid her head down on the table and acted tired. I told her about my Narcissist brochure, and we talked about how narcissistic and cruel America was becoming, and how Canadians were comparatively kind. We continued. The professor asked me to read the line "Are you tired?" Basically. I paired up with Emily and we took turns being doctor and parent. She did better and I talked a lot. [I did well and showed I could be comfortable talking about that.] We also studied a medical center floor plan. I took my bike to the library, and rewrote Ethics pt 2. I rode home. As I was heating up my food, Ellie in the kitchen said "You'd think people would clean up their own mess. When I know who it is I tell them." After a pause she tells me I left my bag but she moved it. I was lucky no one took it. She seemed peeved. I watched youtube, and ate supper and ice-cream. I got ready for bed, and repaired Ethics pt 2.

Dec 3, I woke at around 7:30 am. I researched growing food till late afternoon. In the morning I wore my socks into the bathroom. The next time I went in the floor was wet. I was removing no longer needed saved locations from google maps. I could not remove the charity store location the same way. I received an email reminding me there were days I could volunteer there. On Facebook, there was a reminder of what I said a year ago, which was a verse about not arguing uselessly about the law. Yesterday I rewrote my article on rights.

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I began to review case law about refugees, or try to. As soon as I started, my internet cut out. I used data. I went on reddit and watched a lot of a Russian KGB defector Yuri Bezmenov. Also some guy was shouting strangely this afternoon, and there were more noises like intimate activity was happening nearby. I did duolingo and took the duolingo quiz for Spanish. There seems to be an "automatic reply" from a company after I asked about their workshops, but it was a separate email.

Dec 4th, I woke around 7, got up around 7:30... More heads of lettuce today. A woman gave me a white ribbon to remember the women who were murdered, engineering students, at Polytechnique U. I helped Renee wash place mats and was sent to triage. I tried to speak more French. The woman who speaks English offered me a banana, and left it by me in case I changed my mind. Cora called and gave me 2 blankets they were throwing away. I took 2 coats triage was throwing away, and 1 I found that was bad. The other lady gave me a bunch of chocolates. I went back to the kitchen and saw Evelyn... I shopped and bought several things, had lunch, gave some chocolates to another girl... The professor showed drawings that were confrontational and cause reflection, and we discussed. We took a break. I offered more chocolates to the class. Everyone who had a chocolate acted very amped up, and those who did not seemed very quiet and slow. Mariah showed me another practice site... During class we talked about a holiday, Nuit Blanche and our sense of direction. We were all asked, I said I had none. I liked to get myself lost and explore. We talked briefly about directions... I checked several stores and bought 3 USBs at Bureau en Gross. At Dollarama next, the song "I’m so Excited" then "Santa is Coming to Town." I checked more places and asked at Home Depot about garden supplies. The man told me about a Brossard garden center. I walked home and tried to fix a coat while watching youtube, including Richard Grannon on Propaganda. I washed dishes and saw Carl talking at Easton's door. Black girl and surveillance guy came in the kitchen...

Dec 5th, I woke around 3:15, 7:30, up at around 8... The professor said hi, noted I took my bike and was dirty. We talked a bit about bikes. He asked if everyone got enough sleep. In class we talked about directions... Many people came late. Jack sat next to me but not during break. Emily didn’t come. I was paired with Mariah. We did the simple exercise several times and had time to talk. She asked me about my work history, and if I was a permanent resident, and if not, what? I said it was a complicated personal issue and why I told her about narcissists. She asked if I was looking for work, and said I may get CEGEP (college) free, and will bring info on that and the job board. The professor talked about train trips and said by the end of class we should be able to give precise directions to our house. I talked to him a little about cold in the US vs Canada. I went to a hydroponics store and bought a little rockwool. The man told me to go to a business to buy seeds. He gave me directions in French. I googled it and found the address. I biked 20 minutes on road and snow. My hands got cold. There was a sign saying the entrance was a cote (to the side). I went around the building. A guy got out of his car and said it wasn't here anymore. There was more than one business in the building. I kept looking and found it locked in the basement. This was around 6 and the website said it closes at 8. Some ladies next door gave me advice. I rode to a library and updated my resume. When I went to translate my blog to French, it stopped loading the pictures. I opened the links by right clicking the locations. I typed up my journal through December 3rd... By now my phone's battery was dead. I tried charging my other battery on the computer while journaling, but it made no noticeable difference. It was around 8:45 pm, around 11 degrees F, dark, and I figured my way back with little error...

Dec 6th, I woke around 2:30 am. The person got up and moved upstairs. I woke at around 7:30 and got up at around 8... I biked to Jean Coutu to print my resume and narcissist brochure. I asked the lady which setting was correct. She started trying to make a copy, and said things I didn't understand. I asked her if she spoke English. She called another employee. He did not understand me very well, but kept enthusiastically saying they could do the work for me, and asked me how many copies I wanted to make. He thought I didn’t want recto-verso, then after... explanation he understood I just didn't want the other side to be upside down, then the lady tried to make a copy again. I explained I didn't want a copy, I wanted to print from my USB. He tried to tell me I could not. Their printer would print files from the USB wrong. [It was a PDF file. I’ve been able to before.] I said for the "first time, I would like to try something myself" and then he walked away. I changed the setting and they all printed off fine. I rode to the shopping center and bought groceries for the week. I rode home and ate. Some snirt was left in the hall so I wiped it up. I saw Easton as I left for class… At class I put my white ribbon on. Emily came but was in rough shape. She said she tried Emergen-C and liked it. We did some listening and writing exercises. I wrote how focused the class was. During break, Mariah lent me the information on education and employment. The professor changed the plan for class and went through a slide show presentation reviewing foods. There was a question "Are there any eggs in this bread?" Mariah asked when would we use that? The professor said if one had an allergy, or vegan/vegetarian. He looked at me. We were given an image of fruits and vegetables and told to write what we recognized. (The other day I had reacted to an image of McDonald holding heads of animals instead of balloons.) At one point I looked at Ava's ring. She put her hand down, then later put her arms crossed above her head, then later stretched. [Not typical for her. I suspected it was a test to see if I was sexually attracted to her as I was looking at her.] We played a scattergories game. After class professor pointed to my ribbon and applauded my solidarity. I asked Ava if she knew the story and she did... I rode home. Neighbor at 216 and Easton passed me as I carried my snirty bike to my room. I laid down the heat-reflecting tarp I normally hang when I bathe under the bike to catch the drops. There was activity upstairs. I ate and watched youtube, then brought laundry down. Carl was going upstairs from the basement. He stepped aside for me. There were no other clothes in the washing machine or dryer and he wasn't carrying any. There was a chair unlike the ones in the common area. The last two times or so there were no chairs here. I did duolingo, journaled, repaired a coat, watched youtube. My internet stopped working. I heard Easton in the hall, and Carl. [Perhaps when I used my tarp for something else, it was thought I wouldn’t when I took a bath, and Carl brought the chair down as a sign of gratitude, meaning surveillance in the shower and my tarp made a difference. I heard him in the hall after I wrote about him, as though he had other reasons to be in the basement.] I cleaned my room a little, and read the things Mariah gave me. I couldn't find any free movies I wanted to see tomorrow. I folded the brochures and read Facebook. There was a prank video with a snowman that moved, and another prank video suggested for me. A guy stole a girl's beer and was doing stupid and annoying things the other guys were telling him to do, I suppose through an inner ear piece. The way the pranksters behaved was very reminiscent of the way these narcissists behave.

Dec 7th, I woke around 4:45 am, and the person upstairs moved around a lot. I got up around 8:30. ... As I was getting ready to take a bath, I went back to my room to get something. Kevin opened his door just as I did. He said it was funny the door just opened when he was about to open it. I said I was about to take a bath and it would take a while. [I had some of my toiletries in the bathroom.] He went to use the kitchen bathroom... At around 10:15 pm when I got into bed, Carl talked to Kevin, and he came back at 10:23 pm, just as I wrote that.

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