My obsession with "taming" my hair was intrinsically connected to what I had been taught was desirable, successful and beautiful.

Since I can remember, I have spent so much energy, time and effort trying to get my hair to look like somebody else's. From obsessively blow-drying it and flat iron it straight, to dying it to the point that it was so chemically damaged I had to cut it all off... Simply because I wasn't comfortable with who I was and who I am.

My idea of what attractive was, what success looked like, and what I thought men find attractive has changed drastically over the years. Not only because I have grown, but because what I consider beautiful is no longer based on anybody's perception but mine.

There are many reasons why women like me spend thousands and thousands of dollars chemically altering their hair, their face, their bodies. For me, I never really cared about changing anything but my hair. Luckily, a few years ago, I forgot why but probably because of the birth of my niece, I decided that I needed to start learning to love the hair that grew out of my head as it was and put my focus on bigger things. I also felt it was important that my niece grew up surrounded by women who weren't constantly in a battle to change what they looked like to fit somebody else's standards.

The first couple of months were hard. It was hard not picking up that flat iron and giving myself Sleek, flat, bone straight hair. It was hard to just let my hair be.

The way I naturally looked felt like a stranger staring back at me.

I'm grateful that in those moments I loved myself enough to have the patience and strength to say no. No flat iron. No blow dryer. I'm also grateful that I have the patience that it took to get my hair to how it looks now. I'm still not 100% completely happy but that's okay because I'm more happy with how I look now than I've ever been in my life.

It's been a really long journey, but I'm grateful to all of the people before me who have been fighting this battle with themselves and with Society.

Specifically black women. They have fought tooth and nail, and are still fighting tooth and nail to have their natural hair and appereance accepted as is everyone else's. Did you know that at one point in the USA, their hair was illegal? In some places, it still is.

If it wasn't for black women, and the natural hair movement, I don't think I would have found it in myself to have the courage to wear my hair in a way that is a silent invitation for stares, for people to touch my hair without permission, for people to constantly be telling me how much better I would look if I straightened or dyed my hair blonde.

Those comments used to hurt me so deeply before, some still do. For the most part they make me laugh. And they make me want my hair to be curlier, bigger, wilder,... And completely free.

Just like me. ♡

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