It's okay to not be okay (or: freeing yourself from the false "power of positivity")

careywedler (65) in happy • 6 years ago (edited)

View this post on Hive: It's okay to not be okay (or: freeing yourself from the false "power of positivity")

6 years ago by careywedler (65)

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wendyth16 (67) · 6 years ago

we always have to open our hearts for good and evil, because if we forgive those who make us suffer we will release negative burdens, life is beautiful being happy is my choice, thanks for sharing. Greetings from Venezuela.

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ameaningfullife (49) · 6 years ago

Thank you for posting about this and sharing your experience.

I totally agree with you that it's ok not to feel good every time. Also trying to get rid of unpleasant thoughts and feelings make thoughts and feelings more believable. It's like telling yourself not to think of a pink elephant. You end up thinking about it more! Same goes for unpleasant thoughts.

I like Tara Brach and watched some of her talks on Youtube. I especially liked her RAIN exercise which you probably know about.

It's great that you are getting helped by MBCT. There is a similar type of therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that you might want to check out. I'm reading books about it and are using ACT concepts and techniques and helping me a lot. There is also Mindful Self Compassion that might also want to read about.

More power to you and have a good one!

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mattclarke (68) · 6 years ago

You got to feel it in it's fullness, or you can't move past it.
Scary though. Glad you're doing better :)

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trendygran (45) · 6 years ago

We cannot be happy all the time, but what I have learnt in my lifetime is that medication that is properly administered can assist in getting over the huge humps of life that may come your way, and having come from of place of extreme loss and sadness I am aware of what true peace and joy is. Had I not experienced the bad times, would I know what good times are? I am a person of great faith and this has been my healing and finding a source of peace.

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emma-hs (55) · 6 years ago

I absolutely agree! Expecting to be happy all the time leads to so much disappointment, and all those other emotions need to be felt too, that's what makes us human after all.

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careywedler (65) · 6 years ago

Yes! If we try to be happy all the time, we will inevitably come up short and disappointed. This is all a relatively new practice for me but I've found that instead of being happy all the time, I am just much more able to cope with struggles when they come up. I still get sad, I just am better at being there for myself instead of losing myself in the sadness. :)

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fishyculture (60) · 6 years ago

Thank you for that. It seems to me that once you understand enough about what is going on in the world, always being happy is not even appropriate!

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careywedler (65) · 6 years ago

It's true! It sounds so basic but it's so necessary to feel our feelings. :)

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daysiselena (66) · 6 years ago

to be happy is to be free. very nice post

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paparodin (54) · 6 years ago

I agree on saying that there is no quick fix to deeper problem and that in many a case, too much of the good can be just as bad. I am also very much against taking any kinds of drugs or medication to manipulate the mood.

With that being said, I consider myself to be a much more positive man than I was a couple years ago, I would like to think that I worked hard for it and that it is making me feel better about myself one way or the other.

On the other hand, I see people suffering from problems that keep troubling them for months while I have learned to just shrug them off to an extend. One could argue whether one or the other is better, but I for myself feel better the way it is now.

On the other hand, I do have the concern of feeling that this approach also made me a bit numb towards the pleasures in life. But that may also be because of other factors.

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careywedler (65) · 6 years ago

I am happy for you and feel the same; I am so much happier and more at peace now... it seems paradoxical but acknowledging the negative parts truly does allow them to heal, and that's what has brought me the most peace and freedom (instead of resisting and running, which only creates more long-term suffering). I think we all have different sensitivities and triggers, and a lot of the work I'm talking about is identifying what they are for us personally, understanding why they're there, and giving them compassion. :)

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paparodin (54) · 6 years ago

There isn't much "acknowledging" of problems from my side either. If I have a problem, either solve it or stop caring about it all that much. Sounds oversimplified, but that is basically the gist of it.

I agree on the triggers though. I think I have a solid grasp on what triggers me in a way that makes me not pursuit these things as much as I perhaps should, but I have yet to figure out the triggers for the opposite.

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sunlit7 (59) · 6 years ago

Thank you for sharing that, I think I could have written a good chunk of that myself. Music was always a good "medicine" for me, I could sing, dance and be happy listening to it to cover up the pain or I could use it to cry for hours to comfort the pain, sooth the soul, get back up and go back at it again.

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vibeof100monkeys (58) · 6 years ago

Thanks. For sure we should be more in touch with our emotions. When I had a still birth , some doctor mentioned antidepressants, my reaction was not a chance. I dealt with it yes I cried, yes I was angry and yes I was emotionally down. But now two years on I am happy, I live with the memory and accept it as what happened.

I use yoga and mediation to keep my calm each day but my real medicine is walk in nature and having a fire in the woods bare foot. Now that is medicine 💯🐒

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