I explain exactly what a Personality Disorder is as per the DSM and other references. This bite-sized clip is from the full episode “Psychopathy Is Not A Mental Illness.” It can be found here.
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I think I have some of that. lol You can't imagine what I've seen in my life. From being taken from my mother for two years, to my father married an other woman, to her attacks and attackes of his family thinking I'm the son of infidel because my father is from Islamic country. Coming back to Russia after being rejected for 12 years in Algeria and the same happened to me in Russia, so they consider me nonrussian as they said. But I fighted the racism and I introduce myself with unknown people with a Russian name, and my wife is Russian and son and I will get my citizenship maybe 1 year or two from now.
The same happened to me in steem and being rejected from dtube team, and not accepted in 3speak also make me a bit disordered. After all the interviews I've done, all the positivity, all the content created and more work behind the scene, I'm now a regular content creator.....
Just like traveling from Algeria to Russia, after waiting 12 years to gather money it seems that traveling from steem to youtube, or any other centralized work is the solution for me. I guess I will power down everything, buy a pc and I will created music and make much better videos. All this time I had a bad pc, mostly sitting home, not having a car and living a hard life in my 34 years old to make my family happy. I need to live, I need to breathe.
If whales are not appreciating my work and don't think that I should be rewarded well because everything I've done. Can I keep investing so much here ? Should I waste more 2 years in steem for nothing ? Anyway, sorry for sharing with you all this, but I think you will understand me. I need to share this with someone.
Thanks for being you. ☺
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Rejection is definitely a big blow for sensitive people. A personality disorder has various types, they are categoriesed in clusters. Cluster B for example are people who want to hurt others. CLusters A and C I need to do more research on. I also know that CPTSD and PTSD can be very similar in many ways to a personality disorder because we have trauma that has yet to be healed. It would be difficult to determine what it is you have, or whether it's simply CPTSD/PTSD. Trauma is the cause of most disorders and Personality disorders. You could look at the DSM and see if anything fits with you and study more on CPTSD and PTSD and see if that is more what you have.
When I was younger I too was often rejected just for being me and for no reason, so then I was the perfect target for a narcissist to abuse because I was so desperate and low in confidence. I did not have clear boundaries and I was willing to do anything for anyone just to be liked. Now I do my thing, and I feel good doing it. I do it because I want to, not so that people like me. I hope they like me and like what I do, but the primary reason I do the things I do is for me.
I think you need to search within yourself to figure out why you are doing this and what purpose it has in your life. Is it for you? Or is it for others? Are you willing tot do it no matter what, for free, for no recognition at all, because you feel good doing it? Or do you require more from it. We alld eserve something for what we do, but for example, I will be a writer no matter if I'm the only one rereading my work or if hundreds of people read. Because I love doing it, I love creating, I feel so good doing it. I have to do it, it's what I live for.
This can help you figure yourself out. And if you can'T right away, that's okay too.
On YouTUbe, there is a guy called Brad Yates who has excellent videos, they are tapping therapy videos, and in between my sessions with my therapist, I sometimes search one or two of his videos so I can tap along with him to help with certain issues and to figure myself out. You could give it a try and see if your energy shifts and if it helps you understand yourself better.
It definitely sounds like you have unhealed trauma and I know how that can drag us down a lot in certain situations. It also sounds like you've been keeping some of this inside and are now starting to let some of it out. This is a good step forward. I highly recommend checking out Brad Yates and his videos and seeing if that can help. Addressing trauma takes time, but just allow yourself to feel how you feel and don't judge it as good or bad.
Thank you for sharing.
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