Ive been trying to catch everything you share. You are sharing a very intimate experience that is beyond comprehension to the vast majority of us on here. A first person account and documentation of everything you experience whether good or bad. As I read along, I feel the pain seeping through every word. My thoughts and prayers are with you from now til the end. I said it before, but you really are an inspiration. Your strength is unrivaled, and ability to find the positive of any situation is something to envy.
I want to share a song I wrote a few years back. Maybe it can resonate with you as much as you have already effected me.

Bowed my Head

Open my eyes this morning, took a long look around
Another day of feeling blessed, alive and above ground
Rain all week the TV says, makes for a long hard day
So bowed my head and closed my eyes and I began to pray

Lord thank you for this day, even if you send the rain
I'm thankful just to be alive, even if my body pains
I lift my hands to worship you, will never be in vain
I give all that I have to give, to help my soul maintain
In Jesus name I lift my voice. Amen, long may he reign.

Daylight shown a moment, so I stopped to take it in
Soon shadows cast near and far, reminds me of my sins
On the cross he said forgive, they know not what they do
So closed my eyes and bowed my head and prayed for me and you

Lord thank you for this day, even if you send the rain
I'm thankful just to be alive even if my body pains
I lift my hands to worship you, will never be in vain
I give all that I have to give, to help my soul maintain
In Jesus name I lift my voice. Amen, long may he reign

A prayer is all that's needed, when a cloud is overhead
Something stirs deep inside, remembering what he said
Accept the things you cannot change, courage for the ones you can
So bowed my head and closed my eyes, prayed faith in your master plan

So bow your head in silence, then close both of your eyes
Lift your hands to shout him out, to heaven we shall rise
Lord our God, I sing to you, of miracles and praise
Our time is short I have no doubt, until the end of days

Lord thank you for this day, even if you send the rain
I'm thankful just to be alive even if my body pains
Lift my hands to worship you, will never be in vain
I give all that I have to give, to help my soul maintain
In Jesus name I lift my voice. Amen, long may he reign