Dear Diary: It Is Hard To Endure Nausea And Appetite Loss

Whenever it is time to eat I feel that it is just a time to survive because eating as it seems is just a way for me to just to survive and exist and not to enjoy life with its basic function which is eating.

So I thought when I would eat to get it over with, like a child trying to drink that bitter medicine given by its parents. It is because appetite loss has been my problem for more than a year now and I am only enjoying food in my dialysis time after the dialysis machine had cleaned out my blood substantially for my appetite to return to normal enough after an hour or so.

I am dialyzed for only twice a week so I am only able to enjoy my food for only twice a week as well. I cuss on my parathyroid drug for these misery because I couldn't enjoy food like in the old times although I am thankful that I am not yet bored with my taste in my breakfast food that my mother used to buy for me in the morning which is just a simple stir-fried noodles.

I pray to God that I won't get tired of stir-fried noodles otherwise I will not be able to eat anything the days after my dialysis.

Source

I am so patient in my situation because I am trying to wait for that time in my life that I will be able to get through all these miseries in my life and enjoy once more the near-normal condition on how a person should feel even about how to simply enjoy foods. That is all that I ask, I have no more ambition to make great of myself.

It is just funny to think that my goal is to be normal while others is to break the bank and that I realized a long time ago that being normal in this world is a gift enough that everyone should also realize and if all should do it there will be nor more wars, and things that would cause our fellow human beings their sorrows.

This lifetime had been so hard but I am thankful because most of my miseries are almost gone and been cured by the same medicine that is causing me my great grief at the moment. So it sucks to live this way, it is just my body is a hard nut to crack as it goes on and on for the reason I really do not know. May God help me.