Dear Diary: Remembering When I Got The Delirium And Seizure For A Week 15 Years Ago

Two months after being a dialysis patient for the first time I was under-dialyzed and hypertensive then my blood creatinine level shooted up along with my blood pressure. Fortunately it was my dialysis that day and we have already a car to bring me to the hospital.

In the car I started to get this flipping motion of my head to the right, a spastic fit with a deep sniffing, then I called my mother, the more I call her the more I can't do it and the spastic fit intensified along with sniffing motion and it was weird until I rotated in my seat because of that spastic fit, it was a hypertension-induced seizure, mother jumped from the front set to the middle seat of the car where I was sitting, I tried to remain calm but I was having a seizure already, I heard my father floored the car then I went blank and went into delirium.

Actually if you have a high amount of creatinine, the substance that goes up in dialysis patients, a by-product of the body which is a toxin makes patients seem crazy so to speak. So my parents just told me that I was manic and having a seizure at the same time when we reached the hospital.

I wasn't dialyzed that morning because they do not want me to be along with other patients lest the other patients will get terrified from my yelling and delirium and seizures. I was fortunate that my body didn't give up that day.

What I remembered is that a doctor was waking me up and calling my name and I was so sleepy that instance then I asked to put me on dialysis because I already knew already what was wrong, then I drifted off to sleep little that I know that I am in delirium, seizures, and yelling at that time for one week, I am really out of it. Then I learned that the doctor gave me tranquilizers multiple times.

My delirium subsided as dialysis put things under control, I was dialyzed three time that week and they finally took me home still asleep. They took much water from me that the time that I got up and looked at the mirror I saw a different face because the puffiness was replaced by my real face without being waterlogged. After waking up after a week I saw my mother and I saw her happy to see me wake up.

Before that I dreamed the most vivid dreams I ever had. Then I noticed that my right hand was almost unusable I thought that I was paralyzed. Then I sounds seems so new to me, the noise of the passing cars and the chirp of the birds, I was like a child, learning things again.

My brain got so tranquilized that I suffered hallucinations for half a day or so and I see circling colors which I can control with my thumb. I could see the hanging dusty bag as one of the best and beautiful object in the world in my room that moment. But after the hallucination subsided things got normal although my body was so weak I can't even roll left or right.

As days passed by I regained my strength but in those years was a real pain and misery too because I was only dialyzed mediocrely with a bad machine and a not good type of dialyzer with only six sessions a week, it made me feel nauseated, thirsty, waterlogged, and itchy the whole time.

But now I am only looking at the present time and how I can improve my well-being more. I hope that I can endure more but will also accept defeat, anyway I already know that the end of my fight is my defeat, at least I fought and hoped to win this epic battle of my lifetime.