Sometimes, I wish death scares me more than living does. For I always wonder:
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“Am I living, or just passing time?”
“Am I gentle, or the world is just too cruel?”
With quiet nights who’s meant to be savoured to replenish all the energy we’ve spent today, these are my loudest moments. There are uncanny scenarios where I go to bed with a heart encapsulated on its morning.
I didn’t do anything productive today.
I just kept still, while I waited for the sun to go down. I chose to be quiet rather than talk; my mind is buried in secret veiled gardens once again. Laughters rang in my ears vigorously, much contrary on the emotion I am suppressing. There are moments left unexplored with emotions fleeting under– Simply, I just existed.
But isn’t that something to be proud of?
Because amidst of how draining life can be, I still showed up. No matter how much I despise waking up on the morning, just to see the inhumane reality I was in, I still went out of bed.
Even though I’m drenched with anxieties and fear, I still managed to appreciate the beauty of those skies.
They say living is all about your choice, and I applaud myself for choosing life.
Instead of fearlessly aiming for the brink of an end, I must be afraid of an unlived life.
Sometimes it takes us a great courage to went out with a heavy heart. But I want to remind you that sometimes, it’s okay to show up fragile.
Do it scared. Do it sad. Do it while having a series of questions and mental breakdowns.
Just do it, just show up. And at the end of the day, you can find yourself moving from the place you’re meant to outgrew.
Likewise, I hope you can find the torch to went out from this darkest path.
You don’t need to speak out loud to be heard. Sometimes, your silence speaks louder than your heart. I hope that someone will bravely stand still, together with your lapses.
You’re heard and seen, even in silence.
For I am willing to stand beside you.