Drugs to Hack Your Brain: My Experience with Nootropics

Lance Armstrong proved to the world that you can accomplish anything with enough drugs. Art and writing have always played a large role in my life. In these endeavors, I have employed a wide array of performance enhancing drugs. During my twenties, I adhered to the Ernest Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson methods of writing. It’s fun to go back and read my old work because I don’t remember writing any of that shit. Now that I’m getting older, when I try to write drunk, I mostly just pee a lot and wind up passing out after watching YouTube videos of 90’s music instead of actually writing. I spent a few years as a massage therapist working in chiropractic clinics and was introduced to the magical world of natural hippie supplements. It turns out that being healthy is great for motivation and mental clarity. Who would have fucking thought? I spent several years choking down seaweed smoothies and wasting money on snake oil bullshit “superfoods.” My liver was grateful, but I had a lot more brain damage to repair than wheat grass was capable of. One day I thought to myself, “Fuck this all-natural shit. I want some science!” Lance Armstrong didn’t get where he was by eating bean sprouts. That’s when I discovered Nootropics.

Nootropics, also known as smart drugs and cognitive enhancers, are drugs, supplements, and other substances that improve cognitive function, particularly executive functions, memory, creativity, or motivation, in healthy individuals. With Nootropics I discovered the naughty joy of ordering legally questionable chemicals off the internet from shady Russian pharmacists, possibly repair some of the damage to my brain caused by malt liquor and cheap vodka, give my writing the chemical boost it yearned for, and self-medicate my laundry list of emotional disorders. I have spent the last four years ingesting all manner of weird shit, most of which you won’t find at Vitamin World. These are my personal anecdotes. Every body is different, so if you try any of these your experience could differ widely from mine.

Modafinil: This is my favorite drug for writing. Modafinil is prescribed for shift work disorder, which is the medical term for being tired because your job has a shitty schedule. Modafinil wakes up the brain and chases the clouds away. If you ignore the warning label and take too much you get pretty euphoric too. Just don’t plan on sleeping anytime in the next 15 hours. It’s like all the benefits of Adderall, with none of the methy downsides. If possible side effects like “potentially fatal rash” don’t scare you, give it a shot. Sadly, the shady pharmacy in India I used to order my shit from shut down so I haven’t been able to get any of my medicine in a while.

NSI-189: This is my second favorite Nootropic. NSI-189 is an anti-depressant that may or may not regrow brain cells. It is still going through FDA approval, and recently failed phase 2 clinical trials for major depressive disorder but there is a thriving demand for it on the black market because it works. When I take it I find my verbal skills increase; I spend less time searching for words. In general, I just feel good, not in a euphoric way, but just a happy calm. Being depressed might be great fuel for poetry, but I’m not a poet and it’s lot easier to write jokes when you are happy. Shady chemists are the only place to find this wonder drug until it finally comes to market. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you where to find it.

Periwinkle extract: Ok, this one is natural hippie shit, but it works. Periwinkle extract increases blood flow to the brain as well as lowers inflammation. I find myself slipping into “the zone” easier when I write after taking a few sublingual drops.

Creatine: It’s not just for bodybuilders. Creatine helps your cells create energy. That’s good for your body and your brain.

L-Theanine: This is the good stuff from green tea, without the hassle of boiling water. It mitigates the negative effects of caffeine so you get the amp from your coffee without the jitters. It also has health benefits like warding off cancer or some shit.

NALT: N-Acetyl-L-Tyrosine is an amino acid that influences adrenaline and dopamine in the brain in order to reduce stress and mental performance. It doesn’t do shit for me, but I bought a big bag of it so I keep taking it anyway.

BPC-157: This is a peptide that occurs naturally in your gut that signals your body to heal. It can be taken orally but it works better if you inject it. Body builders take it to help repair muscles. Keyboard jockeys take it to heal the brain damage done by abusing Adderall. I can personally say that it works. It doesn’t make me feel smart; it makes me feel not stupid.

B-12: Why spend a fortune on Redbull? Get some B-12 drops. It’s great for energy.

Kratom: Kratom is a plant in the coffee family that has been abused by billions of people all over the world for thousands of years but has only recently begun gaining popularity in America. It tastes like a swamp took a shit in a bucket of grass clippings, but the effects are similar to opioid painkillers, which are awesome for writing. I have a tendency to throw up when I take Kratom, even though I have an iron stomach, so I buy empty gel caps and make my own Kratom pills instead of making tea out of it.

Phenibut: This a drug developed in Russia. I bought it because I read tons of reports that it makes you feel super chill and has a high chance of dependency and withdrawal. It didn’t do shit for me, but you might want to give it a try.

Tianeptine: This is a French anti-depressant. Every report I ever read on Tianeptine said it had opioid like effects as well as all the accompanying negative side effects. It is one of the more popular chemicals to abuse in the Nootropic world. It just made me feel like shit and throw up.

Bromantane: More fun from the Russians. It is supposed to have anti-depressant as well as an amphetamine like effect. It didn’t do shit for me.

Racetams: There are a whole bunch of racetams: Piracetam, Fasoracetam, Oxiracetam, Noopept, and Phenylpiracetam…. Lots of people report increased alertness as well as mild stimulant effects from these compounds. They didn’t do shit for me.
Methylene Blue: Apparently this shit is used for staining slides in medical experiments and cleaning fish tanks, but some idiot decided to ingest it and found that it perks up your mind and body. It totally works, just watch out because it will stain your teeth and make your piss bright blue. It’s pretty awesome.

Choline: Choline is a nutrient found in food like eggs. Choline is brain food that most of these chemicals burn up so it’s good to supplement for optimal brain health.

Electrolyte pills: Your body doesn’t work right when you are dehydrated, and even if you drink enough water, which you don’t, you are probably dehydrated. Electrolyte pills generally have Vitamin B,C,D, Calcium, magnesium, potassium, and sodium. They are also great for hangovers.

I've tried many more supplements and nootropics but these are just the ones that came to mind. I am happy to answer any questions you might have about Nootropics.

Sources 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7