My Struggle - I need your help.

Hi my friends,

Here I am again, after some encouragement from my good friend, I'm writing this again as I took my previous post down because I was feeling stupid and embarrassed.

I'm writing about something that has been a problem for me for many many years. Ever since I realised I had a brain and could think for myself, I've always felt that I wouldn't be the same as every other boy or girl. I knew I'd be aligned more towards my own gender more than anything else.

It's felt like i've got so much to give to this world but I can't even begin to tap into myself being where I am now. I'm living in a country that makes it impossible for me to exist.

You see, when you live somewhere that allows you to be yourself, freely and openly, you don't think twice about how lucky you really are. But when you're in a country that doesn't allow it, doesnt allow you to even exist as a person, makes you illegal, then it becomes a problem. A big one.

This is what my struggle is. To live in a place that doesnt accept me. A place that I'm uncomfortable, where I can be prosecuted and even killed.

I don't know what to do, I don't know who can help. But I'm here, I'm trying my best and I'm here.

People don't understand what it's like living in an oppressive place and not having anyone understand how it really feels. Everyday I wish for someone to just understand me . No one does because it's not their problem. They've never even come across such a thing. Such a dilemma.
For them it's been grow up, study, get a job, get married to the opposite sex, babies and retire.

I thought about writing this post for so many days and went over so many different versions in my head, wondering which way would be the best to write this but no version was good enough so here I am.

I'm sure a lot of you have guessed what this is about and what I'm talking about. I'm grateful that you can understand.

It's a request for any advice, help and goodwill.

How can I leave a country that makes me feel so trapped and unhappy? I've lived here all my life, I've had a cushy life. Im not being ungrateful, I am so grateful for everything given to me.

I can't be myself, my rights aren't respected, I'm scared all the time. Is this any way to live?

How can I make this happen? I need a visa for every country, even to visit my neighbouring countries, I need a stamp and need to provide my soul in documents, just to prove that I'm not a bad person.

I'm questioning myself over this post because frankly I'm feeling scared and a little embarrassed. I've never asked for help like this before. Not about this.

I've just been quiet and for a person in her late 20's, who's hardly lived, I don't want to feel like this anymore, I can't live like this.

I just want to move, that's all I want. To live by working hard and respecting everyone around me while I can be who I am, freely and happily.

It's taken a lot for me to write this in the best possible way. I deleted my initial post but as I said, My good friend encouraged me to have faith in this beautiful community and myself.

If you have any suggestions, any advice, anything. I am here to listen. I am grateful. I'm not sure I have any space for hatred because there is enough of that around me.

Thank you