A few dos and donts. A couple metaphors, similes, and sayings. Maybe an expression or two. By Harmon.

If you have an incredible urge to buy the hotty in your class a gift (like flowers or a herringbone gold necklace) and you have never spoken to her...ever... it will not make her like you or want to get to know you. Even if it was a hella-nice necklace and super expensive flowers. Trust me. It is creepy and unappreciated. AND when she is kind enough to give you the necklace back, DO NOT give it to your first girlfriend! Your friends will eventually rat you out and she will have her dog chew the hell out of it. It is a soft gold. So soft... damn jeweler, telling me how much she will like it. Ummm.. I mean.. I hear its creepy and guarantees you will never date her or anyone in her circle for the rest of your high school career. ( exception - she gets crazy drunk at a party and wants to thank you for holding her hair while she pukes.. as she is puking. Take the kiss! If you're Seniors - Take the sex! She has been banged many many times already and you can use the notch. If she is passed out - NO DEAL! Just take one quick photo of her tits, without her face in it so you can jerk off to it for the next 5 years. No Bush. Above belt keeps you out of jail. Below belt gets you on a list you dont want to be on. Do not keep it on your phone! Put in on a separate cloud account and delete the phone photo. Do not tell anyone, best friends included! Your best friend today could be her boyfriend later and he will tell her you took a photo of her tits at a party she was too drunk to remember and she will tell all her guy friends who will kick your ass and all her girlfriends who will have their boyfriends kick your ass. Plus, if you keep it to yourself you can now give her the 'I`ve seen your tits' look and she will be intrigued and you then have a 25% chance to actually see them tits later in college when her self-esteem has hit a new low and you look a lot better than you do now)

Ladders are made to hold one person. In order to climb the social ladder you have to knock someone out of the way so you can climb said ladder. When you reach the top, if you reach the top, you can not get down rung by rung. Remember when you hit the ground and you will hit the ground... hard... try to roll and remember how you got up the ladder in the first place. Shake off the dirt, change your clothes and go knock some judgemental mother fuckers off there cause the view now is nothing but assholes.

Lock the door to your room at all times when you are in it. That way on the rare occasion you are not jerking off it will not look suspicious. Your mom will get used to the door being locked and prevents the barge in. Cause if you have a hot mom, getting caught looking at her bikini photos from your summer vacation with your dick rock hard and your feet up in the air will make dinner AWKWARD.

Hang around smart people. The peer pressure is a good pressure.

Young ugly people turn into cute adults. Even the fat ones. Poor, fat and ugly ones are screwed so stay away from them. They have issues with their drunk father and uncle. Be polite, just don`t get into a conversation with them.

If your mother has hot friends... be nice to them. Be super nice. Mow their yard. Compliment them every time you see them. Thank me later at your graduation pool party after your mom went to bed. ; )

Your parents are idiots but they still know light years more than you. Give them a break once and a while and just give em a hug and an I Love You. You will make their day, week, month and year.

Thanks for reading.

Look both ways before you cross the road and talk shit about someone. It hurts getting hit.