I Hate Cold Coffee

I let another keyword pass me by… Probably not a big of a deal but I find it very frustrating fascinating that I couldn’t come up with a solid idea within the allotted time. I don’t want to force myself, either. Sure, I do get tidbits of ideas and when I try to write them down, it often feels half-hearted, and so I have to leave it for a while. And that ‘while’ turns into days, and the days turn into weeks.

What a grim intro. Although, I think this sets up the stage for what I’m about to write (or explore).

These thoughts might be worthless, but I think it's worth writing. I wouldn't say this post is of quality either, but you be the judge.

Amidst this dry spell... I just love me a black coffee.

I always like my coffee black - no creamer, no milk, no sugar. Just plain black: simple, pure, uncomplicated. I also like milk. I drink it every night before bed - I don’t know why, but I always wake up feeling better the next day. And just as I prefer my coffee plain, I don’t like plant-based milk or added flavors of any kind. Just plain dairy milk: simple, pure, uncomplicated. I wish life were as simple as that - black and white. But it isn’t; there will always be grey areas in between.

My, what a lovely day - bright blue skies, birds chirping, just me and my coffee… or so I thought. Oftentimes, when I drink coffee, I’d like to turn off my brain and stare blankly at whatever is in front of me. But today, it wasn't possible. No sooner had I taken my first sip than that question came at me… again. I’ve heard this question before, but I brushed it off because it seemed futile to think about. Yet, as futile as it may seem, it ricocheted back to me.

Well, it can’t be helped. I guess it’s time to wade through some of the grey areas of life, and hope it leaves me and my coffee time alone for good.

The mood became so greyed out...

Pondering about death, of course, isn’t futile - it has the opposite effect as it forces you to reflect and appreciate life a little bit more. Memento mori – a Latin phrase meaning ‘remember that you must die.’ Okay, I already know that ‘I’ must die, but how about we spin it around to others? We can say it like this: Remember your partner (wife or husband) must die. Or remember your son (or daughter) must die. Or your brother, your best friend, your dog - you name it. Does that still have similar effect on you?

So, the question was - and let me be specific on this one: If you had to choose, would you rather outlive your partner or have them outlive you?

In other words, do you choose to die first to spare yourself the pain of loss, or do you choose to outlive your partner to ensure they’re cared for until the end?

To be honest, I’d rather be the one who leaves first. It’s not just selfishness - it’s also because I don’t handle the pain of loss well. My mother’s death still stings and it always will. I haven’t moved on; I’ve just learned to stop thinking about it. I couldn't even move on from losing the one who held me in my younger years, how could I bear the pain of losing someone I’ve held close myself?

These temporary entanglements - they’re such a pain in the ass, aren’t they? Yet, they also let us experience the inexplicable grandeurs of life, gifting us moments that linger for a lifetime.

Again, I know it’s futile to ask these questions because we never really know when the time comes. But, like I said, it’s worth writing because… well, just because. :-D

Are you feeling grey? I am, because now my coffee has gone cold.

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