Shrub Thief - Is Weisser-Rabe Nuts?

Welcome Dream steem'ers. A work of cold blooded satire, biting humor, violence, and international plant cartels, not to mention -

When I first saw the keyword of the week, I thought: What the hell? What kind of keyword is that? I used to have a gardening, landscaping business so I began to think about it. When I Googled it,

Google Gemini Says:

A shrub thief is someone who steals shrubs or other plants. Stealing plants is a property crime, and the thief can be charged with the value of the plant. The value may include the cost of the plant, the amount of carbon it offsets, and other ecological factors. Stealing plants can be part of a larger crime ring.
Some reasons why people steal plants include selling them on the black market. Plants that are often targeted include cacti, succulents, and cycads.
To deter plant theft, you can try installing security cameras near your plants and adding a sign that tells people they're on camera.

Brilliant Choice! She Is Not Nuts

I even have a couple I just planted that I thought were trees that I can take a photo of, which are really trees but they are giant bonsai trees. Meaning at five hundred years, they should be about 2.5 meters or for purists, eight and a third feet tall.

Why is her choice so igneous: Read the Gemini Definition. Let the fun begin...

Web of Dark Gardens

Slap! Smack! "Where are you hiding the Rhododendrons." The henchman spoke softly in a deadly voice to Philaflora's Nursery Owner, Giu Onassis, Where!" Smack. (Plant Lovers in Greek).

"Don't tell them boss or they'll kill us once they know!"

"Gag him," H'lassi Biograssi, dark crime lord of the Ethiopian international underworld gang, "Put a turning tine mulcher to his throat." A second henchman jumped to obey his order while a second and third held Ari Gnossis. The gag'er placed the wide, flat tine points at Ari's throat.

"Where? The next shipment of Rhododendrons doesn't arrive until Friday," Giu muttered through the bleeding lips of his mouth.

"Where are the ones that should have been here?" Smack! Biograssi in a voice laced with menace. Smack, "Where are the shrubs?"

"A gardener picked them up yesterday evening, at close," Smack. "We're in the nursery business, we sell plants wholesale, " Smack. "Where?"

"I don't know - look at the receipt." Giu was losing consciousness. His face was bruised. He could not think but then, "I have some Euletheras in stock, will those do?"

"No. Rhododendrons!" Smack!

"What about warm weather blueberries, they flower and produce blue berries. They're popular." Smack.

"Here's the receipt boss, it says, 'Fred's Carbon Credit Landscaping and Gardening Services.'."

"Address, phone," Biograssi asked his henchmen?

"I know where that guy lives," One of the henchmen spoke up.

"Okay," Biograssi said to Giu, "We'll let you off this time but I will give you protection for fifty percent of the Rhododendrons on Friday."

"He pays protection to us," Vladimir "Carbon the Bull" leader of the notorious gang Воздушно-десантная смерть, "We protect." He dropped his raised hand and his henchmen opened fire.

All the Ethiopians except Biograssi were dead or dying. Ari and Giu were released, "Pull the 'fertilizer truck' up to the delivery door and you, Will throw them in." Carbon the Bull said to Biograssi "Now!"

The sound of the 'fertilizer truck' could be heard in the background as it backed up to the door. One of the Воздушно-десантная смерть, Airborne Death, operated the chain for the roll-up door and it was opened with the back of the 'fertilizer truck' nearly blocking the whole of the doorway.

With the barrel of a Kalashnikov at his head, Biograssi grabbed the closest body of his henchmen and dragged the corpse into the van. He then grabbed the next henchman and was in the van with body when a magnified voice from outside the nursery bellowed,

"This is the Tactical Carbon Credit Enforcement Special Gang and Containment Force! We have this warehouse completely surrounded -" The noise of three helicopters coming from three different directions grew louder and it was obvious they approached PhilaFlora's.

"Drop your weapons and come out with your hands up or we shall T.A.S.E.R. you into submission with our artificially intelligent C.C.R.R.T.S.A.A.E.S.R.S.."

"Hey, Boss," one of Carbon the Bull's henchmen said, "I can see those are news choppers, not tactical assault teams."

"Really?"

"Yeah. There's the B.B.C., E.V., and it's Russia's own ROSTV!"

"All publicity is good said P T. Barnum. Ready the E.M.P.E.S.C.C.S.C.A.I.R.R.'s to counter attack the taser 'bots. We know those idiots don't have any guns or other weapons than sound stunners so put in your earplugs."

"Do not Drop your reporters through the skylights!" The magnified voice outside the nursery bellowed, "This is a government controlled area of an eco-crime in progress."

Crash! Three humanoid news bots dropped through the roof, each through a different skylight. After them followed a drone cambot.

"Hi Mom!" All the gang members said, including Biograssi.

Still waving at the cameras, "We're doing fine!"

"What your side of the story?" The newsbots asked in unison.

"What only newsboys and drones entered the building?" The magnified voice said. There was a pause, and then, "Send in the CertCaesars (C.C.R.R.T.S.A.A.E.S.R.S. or Carbon Clean Rapid Response Tactical Subdue And Arrest Environmentally Safe Robotic System)."

"We're here on a top secret Russian FRP Agency mission to protect legitimate nurseries, their plants, employees, management, property, equipment, and owners from international shrub thieves." Vlad, Carbon the Bull said to the newsbots.

"Really?" The newsbots asked.

"Sure why not?" Then Carbon the Bull said, "You need to jump out of here quick and move your helicopters now because we know the Tactical Carbon Credit Enforcement Special Gang and Containment Force is corrupt and we will counter attack with our E.M.P.E.S.C.C.S.C.A.I.R.R.'s which will destroy you too!"

"Tell the Tactical Carbon Credit Enforcement Special Gang and Containment Force that we will test Russia's new weapon against their Certcaesars," Carbon the Bull ordered his henchmen. Who yelled it at the Tactical Carbon Credit Enforcement Special Gang and Containment Force. We will counterattack!" He then said, "Boss the Certcaesars are almost here."

"Can't leave," the newsbots replied in unison, "We always stay until the story is over."

"Destroy the Certcaesars!" Carbon the Bulk ordered.

While Biograssi continued to load the corpses of his henchmen onto the fertilizer truck, his Android phone rang. He did some talking and then walked up to Carbon the Bull and handed him his phone, "My lawyer wants to talk to you and she is watching this on E.V. right now."

"Tell her to go to hell!"

Biograssi talked to her as 'energy thumps' echoed from the Airborne Death's weapons. Then turned on his phone speaker towards, Carbon the Bull and loosed upon him a series of legal violations and..."

"Your client is an international shrub thief cartel leader and tortured Giu Onassis and Ari Gnossis and plotted to murder a guy named Fred over rhododendrons he bought and picked up last night" Then he aimed a pistol version of the top secret Russian E.M.P.E.S.C.C.S.C.A.I.R.R.'s at the phone and fired!

The lawyer kept talking!

"Shit, Natasha!" Carbon the Bull yelled.

"E.M.P.E.S.C.C.S.C.A.I.R.R.'s is not working!" Natasha yelled back and then she was tased into submission by a Certcaesar.

"Mine works," one of the airborne death said from a window with the glass broke out. But then the Certcaesar moved from Natasha to him fast as a blink before he could fire and tased him into -

Carbon the Bull shot it with the Kalishnikov. "If the E.M.P.E.S.C.C.S.C.A.I.R.R.'s does not work use your gun!"

Anyways to make a long story short as my Father used to say, just kidding.

...To be continued
Part II -

https://steemit.com/hive-107855/@jeff-kubitz/shrub-thief-web-of-dark-gardens-ii-continued

Part III -
https://steemit.com/hive-107855/@jeff-kubitz/shrub-thief-web-of-dark-gardens-iii

poplar-saver as the next keyword? What can one say about people who treat evidence planted personally by the Great American Explorer who personally planted these trees on his way west, General Fremont?