...UNGENUINE FORGIVENESS...

Yeah, Michael, that's me...

Should i say, i was born lonely...

No, i have a younger brother. When he was born, i was happy but that wasn't the case for my parent.
My brother was born sick and because of that, he became a top priority to my parent.

I could remember when he was brought back after a recent checkup at the hospital, it was the first day i didn't get my parent attention and care.

Should i say that was the day my been lonely started.

As time passes by, i was neglected and left alone. All attention, care was given to my younger brother.
What else would i have thought, he was still a baby and sick. I thought of that as a excuse to comfort myself from my parents irresponsibility .

I was 8 when my brother was born.
So you shouldn't think i was a teen or older for me to ask for attention.

It started getting worse, three years has past and all through those three years my birthday wasn't celebrated.

I am 11 now, i always go to school myself, they didn't care to take me, my parents always at all time promises to pick me up after school to make up for not taking me to school.

What should i say, what should i do, who should i report to, all the care, love, compliments goes to my younger brother. I feel neglected, i am forsaken, i need help, i am lonely.
That was my every day thought why trekking back home from school. They couldn't keep to their promise.
At times i always ask them why i was born, why they brought me to this world if they could not take care of me.

I WISH FOR MY MAMA"S LOVE

This neglect made me an introvert, timid, naive, and antisocial.
These personalities made me a laughing stock at my school.

On Thursday night, i was 14 at that time, i came back home from school with bruises all over after being bullied by my classmate.
At this moment, i thought now with this bruises i should atleast get looked upon by my parents. I entered the room, stepped and stood in front of my Dad crying.

What's wrong, my Dad said.
I was bullied, i replied.

You shameful leech and bastard, why can't you take care of yourself , he said.
I chocked in my tears and screamed, Dad why, i cried.

He slapped me, sent back inside my room all because, i was disturbing the peace of my younger brother who was sleeping on my Dad's arms.

What a life, i thought.
Should i kill him?
Should i move out?
Where should i go?

I'm lonely.
I'm hungry for love.
I'm no different from other kids.
Why should my life be this way.
I ache for love.

These thought where driving through my head, why i cut my self in pain in my dark bedroom.

I can't even recall the last time my parents came to my room.

As i grew older, my desire of having a conversation with them grew also.

On Friday, i was 17 at that time, my brother was 9.
I took up the courage to speak to my mom. I came to the dinning table for dinner.

You came on time, Dad said.
Come sit down and eat, there are much of this and i wouldn't want it to waste, he said.

I watch my mom serve and shared the food, taking the best part to give to my brother and ignored me.
I snatched off the food from her hand and ate. They all stared.

What the hell, why would you do that, she said.
Why are you suddenly doing this?
Your brother is trying to control his diet these days, so he can't even eat properly.
We have to support.

I said in my thought but i also need the support too.

She tried serving another dish to him again, same also i took it forcefully from her and ate.

Why do you get greedy for no reason when you live doing nothing? She screamed.
If you have that kind of greed you can live greedily every day.
How come you have been living like a retard person since your brother was born?
That bastard.. She said.

The mood of the evening deepened.

I had to speak.
I'm also your son.
Don't call me like that.
I'm also a son of this family.
Why do you always called me like that?
Do you know what i have in my room all year round?
You are always with him.
Have you ever been with me, for my graduation, or even birthday?
Do you know why i don't go out?
Because my personality wouldn't allow me mom.
Even in school, i was bullied.
Do you ever cared?
Everything i had, was taken away from me all because of him, friends and most importantly, you guys.
If only i would sell my soul to forget this miserable life.

Mom! Dad! you have never been a parent to me before.

I walked out and left to my room.
I cried all through the night.

It is 4am now.
I have made my decision.

THE END...

Maybe, if only they wouldn't get to see my decaying smelling body.....