Surprises Don’t Surprise Me

in hive-107855 •  3 months ago  (edited)

Most probably the poisonous type, much like some people's thoughts...



The element of surprise…
Is it related to age?
Because nothing surprises me much anymore...

Anyway, the thing is that there haven't been any significant surprises in life. It’s not like I've ever suddenly received some big news... And here I’m only talking about good surprises. Because bad news is never a surprise, it’s just chaos waiting to happen.

Or maybe, to be honest, I don't even like being surprised that much. I need to know everything. Yes, if you hide things from me just to surprise me, I might not appreciate it. Or maybe I would, who knows...

But small surprises... Is "surprise" the right word? Well, let’s go with it anyway! So, I was saying that I like small, sudden things. Like when some good food suddenly arrives from someone’s house... that’s the kind of surprise I would love. I would definitely want it to be covered with a cloth. The joy of lifting the veil and finding something you love underneath—aha, that’s a moment!

Like when I come across mushrooms during a walk… After googling, I found out that they are 99% poisonous, but somehow, we Pakistani kids from the '90s weirdly fascinated by them. Why? I have no idea. It’s still a mystery...

Oh, and there’s another surprise I absolutely love: getting eidi, especially from my father. Well, it’s not exactly a surprise since you kind of know it’s coming. By the way, do you know what eidi is? It’s money that we, as kids, used to get from elders and parents on the festive occasion of Eid. And it was always those crisp 10 and 50 rupee notes. Though the era of 10 and 50 rupees is long gone, the excitement of receiving eidi still feels the same.

Let's go into past for a minute: When, on the way to school in the morning, your favorite song plays on the radio or cassette player... and your dad doesn’t even try to change the station or the song... You are spared of that forward, rewind saga, now that’s a top-tier surprise, isn’t it? And then, by the time you reach school, you get to listen to the whole song! Is there anything more surprising than that? Nah, I don't think so!

By the way, why is it that dads always seem to have the opposite taste in music from their kids?

Hmm, what else could be surprising...

Oh yes, nothing beats the surprise of finding forgotten money in one of your purses, even if it's just a small amount. Once, something like that happened on a much larger scale. My husband had left 15k somewhere in his drawer and completely forgot about it. This was quite some time ago. His drawer eventually got infested with termites, and I, along with a helper, was trying to remove it from its frame. That’s when I found the money. And you know what? It took everything in me not to look surprised. I pretended as if I knew it was there all along. Otherwise, what would she think? Like, are they so rich they can just forget about that kind of money?

That was the only time something like this happened to us. It was actually money someone had borrowed and returned, and we had completely forgotten about it.



So, you might be wondering what kind of surprises these are... But honestly, mine are just like that!

If something big is happening in my life, I’d definitely want to know about it ahead of time. Whether it’s possible or not is a different story, and that’s out of my hands! Life already has enough unexpected twists, so yeah, surprises don’t really surprise me anymore! Unless, of course, it involves cake—cake is always a good surprise! @event-horizon ;)))


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"Будьте как дети и вы войдёте в царствие божие" (с)
Это про детскую непосредственность и сюрпризы в том числе :)

Жизнь без неожиданностей может быть несколько скучной. Когда ты знаешь всё наперёд и всё происходит по твоему плану, ты можешь быть удовлетворён и спокоен.

Но при этом можно потерять вкус к жизни. На мой взгляд элемент непредсказуемости и сюрпризов должен быть всегда. "Делай как считаешь нужным и будь что будет" (с). Здесь есть место сюрпризу :)

Может быть ты опасаешься неприятных сюрпризов и по этой причине отгораживаешься от любых неожиданностей? :)

==========
Be like children and you will enter the kingdom of God" (c) This is about childlike spontaneity and surprises, including :)

Life without surprises can be somewhat boring. When you know everything in advance and everything happens according to your plan, you can be satisfied and calm.

But at the same time, you can lose your taste for life. In my opinion, there should always be an element of unpredictability and surprises. "Do as you see fit and come what may" (c). There is a place for surprise here :)

Maybe you are afraid of unpleasant surprises and for this reason you shut yourself off from any surprises? :)y

In my opinion, there should always be an element of unpredictability and surprises.

There was a time like this... But not any more!

Maybe you are afraid of unpleasant surprises and for this reason you shut yourself off from any surprises?

It could be, or maybe it’s definitely the reason. I tend to overthink and don't have a thick skin, so things easily become overwhelming when there’s too much stimulation. Sometimes, I feel like I can't handle too much energy around me. My paternal grandfather used to say I had 'light blood' (halka khoon)—meaning I was easily affected by people’s gaze, even my father’s loving look. I still vividly remember my grandfather scolding him while cleansing my aura (nazar utartay huay), telling him not to look at me so lovingly, once when I was wearing my red velvet frock.

Does it make any sense?

Мне трудно сказать тебе что-то определённое. Ты живёшь в условиях другой культуры и я не знаю обстоятельства твоей жизни.

Бывает так, что какие-то случаи , которые стали твоим личным жизненным опытом, имеют негативную окраску. Возможно такие случае привели к эмоциональной травме. Это записывается на уровне подсознания и влияет на твою жизнь в последующих событиях. Человек старается избегать случаев, которые чем-то напоминают тот негатив из жизненного опыта. Это происходит на неосознаваемом уровне. У человека просто появляется "беспричинное" беспокойство и желание избежать этот опыт.

Возможно такой негативный опыт был пережит в связи с какими-то "сюрпризами".. В таком случае ты начинаешь избегать любых сюрпризов без разбора.

Не обязательно всё это так в твоём случае. Но это одна из возможных причин.

Ты очень эмоциональный человек. Любые эмоции, как отрицательные так и положительные, требуют от человека расхода сил. Может быть стараешься интуитивно "экономить свою энергию". Хотя положительные эмоции не только забирают силы, но могут быть хорошим источником ресурсного состояния.

====================
It's hard for me to tell you anything definite. You live in a different culture and I do not know the circumstances of your life.

It happens that some cases that have become your personal life experience have a negative connotation. Perhaps such cases have led to emotional trauma. This is recorded at the subconscious level and affects your life in subsequent events. A person tries to avoid cases that somehow resemble that negative from life experience. This happens on an unconscious level. A person simply has a "gratuitous" anxiety and a desire to avoid this experience.

Perhaps such a negative experience was experienced in connection with some "surprises".. In this case, you begin to avoid any surprises indiscriminately.

It doesn't have to be like that in your case. But this is one of the possible reasons.

You are a very emotional person. Any emotions, both negative and positive, require a person to expend energy. Maybe you're trying to intuitively "save your energy." Although positive emotions not only take away strength, but can be a good source of resource state.

Let's talk on Discord. I mean, you have so much to offer, and I'm truly impressed by your assessment. We could start a segment or something along those lines—a platform (on Steemit) where we can discuss this topic further. You have a lot to bring to the table.

I dropped yya message on discord

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спасибо :)

What surprises me the most is human nature: you think you know someone, and then...

  ·  3 months ago (edited)

I see a significant difference between human nature and human behaviour. It is not human nature but human behaviour that gives rise to (unpleasant) surprises.

Because part of human nature seems to be to think about someone as if they were an object: I know you. And another part of human nature is to behave differently than expected. If you always behave as others expect, you lose part of your humanity.

This does not mean arbitrarily deviating from expectations, it does not mean deliberately acting contrary to them. It means deciding freely what to do.

And it means not seeing character as a monolith, but as a crystal with many, many facets. In this way, (unpleasant) surprise can turn into astonishment.

We know that. Nevertheless, it happens to us from time to time, because we have the feeling: ‘You wouldn't have thought this or that was possible!’ or ‘This doesn't suit him at all!’ Well - at least for me ;-))

This doesn't suit him at all!

==> This doesn't suit my picture of him/her at all!

This doesn't suit my picture of him/her at all!

Either way, you get surprises... Like what the heck...

Why these deviations all of the sudden. You have an equation with a certain someone, an unsaid agreement, a kind of mutual understanding, and poof, everything is gone, vanished and there is this new behaviour, attitude or whatever. Why? Why on earth?

I agree character is not monolithic. And I can expect a certain degree of deviation or variation in behaviour. I accept it. But what if there is whole new composition of the crystal... What you once thought was a diamond turned out to be only coal!

Apologies for this rant, I'm surprised shocked with some deviations, arbitrariness or whatever you call this from some people in real life...

I thought back and forth five times about what I could say in response - or whether it might be better to keep quiet altogether.

There are a lot of explanations on this topic, entire books that deal with communication in relation to philosophy and psychology. The most important questions that are asked are: What is a human being? Who am I?

If you can answer these, then you are divine enough to be able to say to another person on a moral level: This deviation from your previous behaviour is unacceptable. (On a moral level, that is, on a level of values that can apply universally. After all, we are not talking about breaches of contract in the legal sense here, nor are we talking about educational behaviour towards children. However, only values that are independent of, for example, religious beliefs or other conditions that one's own person or the other person in question could escape can be generally applicable).

The whole thing is a big issue, a really big question, and answering it with ‘But I want it to be viewed in such and such a way’ misses the point by far.

In order to shorten this in a possible (but rarely successful) way, it is necessary to ask the person whose behaviour suddenly deviates greatly from my expectations: Why? What is going on? How are you feeling?

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

Thank you for taking the time to reply thoughtfully, rather than just giving a quick response for the sake of it. I really appreciate that.

Your explanation is logical and, ideally, it should guide my response to that particular person. However, the reality is often more complex. There are power dynamics, jealousy (which I’m almost certain is at play), and the person’s ill nature, where they can't seem to handle someone else being in a position of privilege. Given this background, asking if they’re okay feels hypocritical to me, because I know they’d go to any length to damage my reputation and pull me down.

And why do I even care? Because sometimes, you simply can’t avoid them. For example, they might be at your workplace, where you have to interact with them to avoid gossip or because you’re just tired of their tantrums. This often happens because they hold a position of power.

Let me simplify it for you: imagine your boss gets transferred to a new place, and you’re taking over their role. They’re no longer feeling 'special,' but they have to stay for another month or two at the same place where you’re replacing them. That’s when they start acting jealous, spiteful, and manipulative. Everything you do is seen as having an attitude.

In this scenario, do I want to ask them how they’re feeling? Hell no. I already know what they’re feeling. They can gossip, try to malign or taint my reputation all they want. I’ll keep my silence and not give them anything to gossip about. That’s the best strategy I can come up with.

Oh it's becoming an other rant ;))))

You can skip to answer this :)))

Thank you for your time though. I know you are busy with shifting and all. And I am happy that your piano is safely transferred.

Regards,
@soulfuldreamer

To put it in Bambuka's terms: Your subconsciousness lead you into the jungle of details in order to escape from my point. ;-)

Or trying to view it from another point:

What trauma does the person you mentioned have with the jealousy you described? (I am now assuming that your description is correct).

If you ever get close to a human
And human behavior
Be ready, be ready to get confused
There's definitely, definitely, definitely no logic
To human behavior
But yet so, yet so irresistible
And there is no map

Well, that's an interesting take on surprise, and I have to agree. In recent events, if anything has surprised me, it's been people and their attitudes. Well, I am talking about real life here...

My worries are similar, I also worry that when the surprises stop being surprising, then they just stop happening as well, because their meaning will be taken away and they won't make sense. That's why people say we should enjoy the little things, which is quite difficult nowadays. I have a feeling that I too would only be happy if I found some forgotten money or some unexpected income came out of nowhere. I don't know what else could surprise and delight me right now. Yes, I have other wishes, but they seem even more unrealistic, lol.

when the surprises stop being surprising, then they just stop happening as well, because their meaning will be taken away and they won't make sense.

Totally! You kinda summarised my take on "surprises"...

Well, yes, surprise anddelight could be used invariably... But the element of uncertainty sets them apart! And right now, it's like I'm not as bold anymore, and I find myself wanting things to be planned or known well in advance. I guess age makes you less adventurous...

With kids and a family to take care of, you always need plans...

Cake is a good surprise. I have yet to make a cheesecake for you. Shall surprise you with it. 😁

Like you, I don't like to be in the dark. I need to know everything and get extremely annoyed when things don't go according to the plan. I blame this to age and responsibilities.

I have yet to make a cheesecake for you.

So that's your inference from the special mention. I'm not unhappy, just pleasantly surprised. ;)))

I blame this to age and responsibilities.

Honey, you are too young to be saying this. But yes with kids, it's quite understandable!

The pear-shaped downside of the stem is vey characteristic for poisonous mushrooms of Amanita Family. You definitely have to step aside from this family, even if they look meaty and tasty!

Yep!

I read (googled), most probably these are poisonous variety of Amanita Family. But they weren't fleshy at all. That's what confused me... They were like very light weight, feathery kind of creatures...

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When I was younger, we did the same thing with mushrooms. I used to use sticks to smack the tops of the ones that would puff clouds of whatever. Years later, I found out that all of them would have killed us if we inhaled or ate any of them...which is crazy. Great post.

This post has been upvoted/supported by Team 5 via @philhughes. Our team supports content that adds to the community.

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Thank you @philhughes

I think 'The Smurfs' played a role in my fascination with mushrooms... 🍄🍄🍄

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