Batman was sitting in his cave, staring at a file on an eleven year old girl with brilliant green eyes. The file's name was "Jane Doe". However, he knew that he was looking at a picture of Selina Kyle. He would know those eyes anywhere, even if the picture was twenty six years old. This document had landed in his hands by pure coincidence. While investing a mass murderer, he came across a haystack of files on juvenile delinquents from the East End Youth Incarceration Centre, which had ceased operations years ago. Batman had come to know that the scum who shot down a dozen people in broad daylight and was now on the run, had done time in the detention centre. He was hoping that a thorough analysis of his crimes as a child would she some light on his mental state as an adult.
And that was how he came across "Jane Doe". These files were still in physical form. Hence Catwoman had not been able to erase them from existence, the way she had done to any and every other piece of information on her before she turned 18.
Now that the killer had been caught, he was free to go through the file on Selina.
As Bruce held a piece of Selina's past in his hands, he wondered if he should read it at all. He knew that the woman he loved did not feel comfortable talking about her childhood. And he wanted to respect her wishes. He had hoped that she would open up to him on her own. But after nearly a decade of knowing each other, after going through hell and back together, Selina still avoided the subject of her early life.
She had always displayed signs of childhood trauma. She had a contingency plan for everything. She always made sure she was in control of every situation she was in. She found it hard to be vulnerable or even talk about her troubles. Even with him. She put on an impenetrable exterior and displayed seismic confidence at all times. The few times he had asked her what her childhood was like, she avoided eye contact and told him she didn't remember. Before quickly changing the subject. It was uncanny just how much she had in common with Bruce.
After some initial hesitation, Bruce began reading the file. The young "Jane Doe" had been taken in for assaulting the janitors and the matron of the orphanage she lived in. One of the janitors had been kicked repeatedly in his crotch and had recieved multiple deep cuts with a box cutter, the other had a cracked skull, and the matron had her cheekbone fractured. The young girl was described as "sharp tongued and volatile". It said she did not stay to serve out her sentence and had escaped just three weeks after she was locked up.
Bruce was just beginning to piece together what those "people" could have done to evoke such a violent response from Selina, when he heard her voice right next to him.
"Where did you get that?", she asked taking the document from his hands. Her tone was angry.
"I found it in the old detention centre, Selina" he answered, standing up. "I didn't go looking for this in particular. It just....."
She did not let him finish.
"What made you think it was okay for you to read this Bruce? Who the hell gave you the right?"
"Selina, I'm just trying to understand you. All these years and you've never told me anything about your life."
He put his arms around her, but she would not look at him.
"Selina I want to know you. Take care of you. I didn't want to pry but you need to let me in. You keep telling me I need to open up more, but you won't do the same."
Selina's eyes now held both anger and fear.
"You can trust me Selina." Bruce continued, "after all these years, I assure you, you can trust me."
He tried to cradle her face in his hands. Normally, she blushed when he did this. But at that moment, she pulled away, shying from his touch.
"I KNOW HOW THOSE PEOPLE LOOKED AT ME! LIKE I WAS THIS DAMAGED THING...."
She was breathing heavily now and Bruce worried she might be having a panic attack.
"Selina please calm down, take deep breaths...."
"NO! What made you think you had any right? Why? Because you're Batman and you need to feel like the hero who "rescues" me? Is that it?"
Selina began walking away. Bruce knew she would be going to her penthouse and didn't want her to drive while she was so upset.
"Selina, stop. Please just let me drive you home."
Selina just nodded.
The drive to her home was in uncomfortable silence. Selina kept looking out the window. Bruce reckoned she was lost in her own thoughts. She was startled when they finally came to a halt.
Taking her hand and kissing it softly, he asked her "are you gonna be okay?"
"I'll be fine" she seemed to have calmed down, but her eyes still held the makings of a storm.
"Should I walk you to the penthouse?"
"No. It's fine. I'll talk to you later."
As Bruce watched her walked away, he wondered if he would ever truly know her.
Dr Magdalene Kyle was just finishing up her report on some of the kids the Maria Kyle Home For Children had recently taken in. A PhD holder in child psychology, she had been working with the organisation for a few years now.
As she was about to exit, she recieved a text from her sister, Selina, confirming that they'd meet up for dinner at her place. Over the last three years, the two sisters had grown very close to each other. Maggie had accepted her sister's double life and had grown to be proud of her. Selina on her part, had finally started opening up to her. At least now, she didn't leave Maggie guessing about her whereabouts. Well, not all the time anyway.
As they ate the delightful meal, Selina had cooked, Maggie could tell that her sister's thoughts were elsewhere. She reached out, placed her hand on Selina's and asked, "hey, is something the matter?"
Selina was caught off guard.
"Maggs, no. Of course not. Everything's great."
"Selina please don't do that. Don't shut me out again."
"Maggie I'm not...."
"I thought we were sisters."
"Of course we are."
"Then tell me what's wrong. Selina, I love you. But sometimes you're just so closed off, I feel like I don't even know you."
Maggie could see the sadness in her sisters eyes. Along with, what looked like fear. Something Selina seemed incapable of feeling.
"Sel, you can tell me." Maggie implored again.
Selina didn't tell Maggie what Bruce had found on her. For obvious reasons. All she said was that Bruce wanted to know more about her childhood. And she wasn't sure how to tell him.
"Maggie, I've never needed anyone. I've always taken care of myself. And the thing about that is.....after a lifetime of bottling up, I don't think I even know how to open up."
"Everyone needs someone, Selina. And just because you confide in someone doesn't mean you're any less independent. Nor does it make you weak."
"I realize that....its just.."
"Listen carefully, Selina. Bruce loves you. Of that, I have no doubt. As human beings, we all have a need to take care of those we love. And Bruce does too. He's not asking you to let him pay your bills. He just wants to be your emotional rock. And after all these years Selina, I think you can at least give him that."
At the Watchtower, Batman's shift as the monitor was just ending and Wonder Woman was about to take over. She had been there for a while and had noticed that her friend was broodier than usual. After years of knowing him, she knew that there was only one person could affect his emotions to such a degree.
"Spill it" she said to Batman as soon as they were alone.
"Excuse me?" Batman asked, in his usual monotone voice.
Wonder Woman just rolled her eyes and said "don't do that, Batman. Don't pretend to be this invulnerable thing. At least not with your friends. Now, I can tell something is bothering you. So, spill."
"Its nothing Diana. Now if you'll excuse me....."
"Something happened with Selina?"
He remained silent.
"What did you do?" Wonder Woman asked somewhat sternly.
"What?" Batman was surprised, "what makes you think I did something?"
"Well, between the two of you, she's the more emotionally mature one. So I think it's a fair assumption."
"Not this time. Not entirely."
"If you tell me, I might be able to give you some perspective." Diana sat down beside him.
Batman thought for a second, trying to decide where to start.
"I love her so much. I didn't think I could ever feel this way about anyone, but she's become so important to me. And I want to be there for her. Always."
"And?"
"And, I recently went against her wishes and dug up something on her past. Her childhood. I know, it was wrong, but she just refuses to talk about it. As ridiculous as it is, I think she's afraid I might judge her."
"Have you been vulnerable with her? Have you shown her any part of you that you keep hidden from the world. Besides being Batman, of course."
"Diana, she knows what happened to my parents."
"That's not what I meant. I'm talking about sharing some facet of your childhood with her. A time when you were powerless, a time when you needed to be protected. If you show her your weak points, it'll help her gain some confidence in exposing herself to you. Show her a part of you, Bruce."
Bruce Wayne was sitting in the Master suite in the stately Wayne Manor. Before him was an intricately carved wooden box. He was going through its contents, while speed dialing Selina Kyle.
She picked up in a few rings.
"Bruce...?"
"Selina. Listen, I need to talk to you. Can I come over, or send Alfred to pick you up?"
"Won't be necessary. I was just coming over to see you."
"How'd you know I was home?"
"I called Alfred and he told me. I asked him not to tell you."
"Hmmm... I had no idea he was "Team Selina" now."
"He's been "Team Selina" for about eight years now. You just didn't notice."
"Is that so?"
The good natured laughter both of them heard from the other put their minds at ease.
"I'll see you in a bit, handsome."
"Ok. Drive safe."
Bruce's arms were around Selina the moment she walked into the Manor. In the bedroom, Bruce sat her down on the sofa. Holding her hand, he asked "first and foremost, will you please accept my apology?"
"Only if you accept mine." Selina said, looking into those gorgeous blue eyes.
He kissed her forehead, before pulling the box closer and opening it.
He pulled out a Zorro action figure.
"I got this when I was 10. Well, my parents got it. I would carry it with me all the time. Even at the dinner table. And knowing my mom, the fact that she let me was a big deal."
Selina smiled indulgently as Bruce showed her this most prized possession of his.
"Then there was the night I accompanied my father to a late night call he needed to make. A patient was in agony. I sat in the car as my dad attended to him. I played with Zorro, I got lost in daydreams, but eventually I got bored. I entered the house just in time to see the man take his last breath. It was the first time I encountered death. And..... and it chilled me, Selina."
Selina put an arm around his shoulders, while her other hand rested in his.
"I had never felt fear like that. It was the first time that it sunk in that everyone I love is going to leave me someday. I asked my dad if he and mom would leave me. He promised me it wouldn't be for a long long time. I didn't sleep that night. I just held on to Zorro and just kept thinking 'what if every one I love dies? What if I'm left all alone?"
Bruce paused, gathering his thoughts. He was deciding how to best verbalize the feelings he was about to reveal to his love for the first time.
"I'm still afraid of death Selina. I'm not afraid of dieing myself. I fear losing my family - my kids, Alfred and you."
This was Bruce Wayne laid bare. Selina gently kissed his cheek to let him know it was ok. She was right there.
"When you and I first met, I knew there was a connection between us. But I tried so hard to keep myself from acting on those feelings, to keep you away from me. Because a part of me knew that if I let you get close, you'd mean too much to me. That I'd be broken beyond repair if I ever lost you. So I tried everything to push you away. I tried to intimidate you, but obviously you were turned on by that."
Selina chuckled at this. She could recall all those times Batman had tried to terrify her. How he would narrow his eyes, clench his fists and broaden his shoulders to appear larger. And how it had a strange effect on her body and made her want him even more.
"I remember all of that." she said caressing his hand.
Her smile was returned by Bruce who was obviously thinking the same.
"I tried to be cold to you. But you didn't desert me. You were always there for me and my family. And before I knew it, I was crazy about you. I lost that battle. I couldn't stop myself from loving you."
A single tear fell from Selina's beautiful eye. Bruce wiped it off and pulled her closer.
"I'm telling you all of this tonight because I want you to know that I trust you completely. Selina, I've given you the power to destroy me because I know you'll never use it against me. And you need to know that you can trust me too. You can confide in me. You can show me your wounds and know that I will never ever judge you. I'll always try to understand, my love. I'm not pressuring you to tell me now. But any time you decide to, I promise I'll listen. And I'll believe you."
Selina took a minute to consider everything Bruce had just said to her. How he was willing to be vulnerable before her. She also thought of the advice Maggie had given her - that she should respect Bruce's need to be her support system. She decided it was time she too unburdened herself before the man who knew her best.
"Bruce, the orphanage I lived in when I was a kid.... that place was toxic. Besides the food shortage and lack of heating, the staff was involved in running a pedophilia ring. The two janitors would come into the dorms at night and grab whichever girl was demanded by the higher ups. The Matron would help keep us quiet. Any time one of the girls complained she was labelled "unstable". One night, I decided to put a stop to it. I stole a box cutter and a hammer from the store room earlier that day. I messed those bastards up pretty badly."
A bitter smile appeared on her lips as she remembered that night.
"I just wanted to hurt them. To make them feel pain. But I was so full of rage. I bashed one of the janitors on the head a little too hard. He collapsed to the floor and blood gushed out of his head. The matron screamed "Murderer! Murderer!" as she pointed as accusing finger at me. I was frozen. I... I.... didn't mean to hit him that hard."
She inhaled deeply, then went on.
"Turned out that he didn't die. But he could have. I was eleven years old and I could have killed somebody! For a long time I had nightmares about that guy possibly dieing by my hands. I swore that no matter what, I would NEVER kill. It didn't take me long to break out of juvie. I was already a talented theif and I could get work from any of the slum lords who ran the East End. I was picked up by Mana Fortuna soon after."
Bruce gently rubbed Selina's back as her tears fell and her breathing grew uneven. She looked into his eyes and said, "You value the sanctity of human life because you saw your parents die right in front of you. I value it because I almost took a life with my own hands. And it was the worst feeling in the world.
I wanted to tell you on many occasions, but I know what your rule means to you and I just wasn't sure how you'd look at me."
"Selina..." Bruce held her face in his hands, "what happened that night was NOT your fault. You only tried to defend yourself and your friends. You did what needed to be done."
Selina began to weep out of sheer relief. Bruce held her in a warm embrace and she rested her head on his chest.
"Who am I to judge you Selina? I was always so caught up in my black and white world, I didn't see the bigger picture until you showed it to me. I learned to see the grey because you taught me how. And I can't begin to imagine how you survived your childhood. How did you get so strong?"
"Bruce.....thank you" Selina whispered as her tears moistened his shirt.
"No! Thank you, Kitten. Thank you for loving me." Bruce kissed her forehead and wiped off her tears.
"Stay for dinner?" He asked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Obviously." Selina said smiling, "I smelled lobster cooking on my way upstairs."
"Of course. I think we better be at the table before Alfred has to come looking for us." Bruce put his childhood friend back in the box and placed it in the back of his walk in closet.
Soon, they were both were at the dinner table with the rest of the family. Amid the chatter and the laughter, Bruce and Selina stole loving glances at each other, knowing they were now connected on a completely different level.
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