I deduce from your question that the image portrayed by so-called “Christians” has turned you off, right?
I don’t blame you because my own experience has been similar.
However, my answer to your question is that when you commit your life to Jesus, at that moment you belong to Him. The Bible says, “None can pluck you from His hand,” because you are His child forever.
Again, from the moment you confess you are a sinner needing a Saviour whom you accept in the person of Jesus, you can do what I do: that is talk about Jesus to people, without shame or embarrassment.
Jesus paid the price of your salvation from eternal separation from your Creator, and Jesus should be held in high esteem by you. NEVER apologise for believing in Jesus even if you don’t like what you see in some denominational churches today.
The old song says: “Jesus paid it all: all to Him I owe!” And that covers my answer.