Avoidance can protect the self, but it also means giving up on growth

The way to grow is not to run away, but to keep meeting the challenges.

Some of the dilemmas that people face are invariably not the result of a desire to escape. Escapism as an instinct is common in our growing experience. Escape instinctively arises when individuals believe they are facing or will face a major setback. The purpose of escape is to get oneself out of an unpleasant situation and into a relatively relaxed one. In our lives, there are indeed many people who cope with life in an escapist way. Most of these people are sensitive and fragile inside, and have experienced at least one traumatic experience during their growth. It is difficult for them to get out of their inner shadows, and avoiding life also means giving up growing up.

What do people who are avoidant experience?

People who cope with life in an avoidant way have usually experienced some unpleasant and memorable traumatic events. Dating back to their childhood, their parents may not have had a good relationship with each other. The biggest impact this had on them was that they were unable to participate in their parents' lives. As children, they are unable to talk their parents out of fighting. Unable to feel love from life, the child will want to escape from life and hide in a corner. In a worse case, the parents always scold the child for no reason, and this child thinks it is hard for them to get along with other people. They will feel that they are undesirable and have a hard time fitting in when they grow up. Unable to meet challenges and fit in with people, they can only avoid situations that make them feel nervous and uncomfortable.

In subsequent experiences growing up, individuals always understand the world in a perceptual way because they are overly sensitive and vulnerable. Maybe they were really bullied, or maybe it just seemed to them that they were being bullied, but in any case they have difficulty dealing with relationships with others. It's hard for them to name one specific thing that explains why they hate someone. They only have some vague idea that someone treats them badly and is always bullying them. Another part of them, indeed, have been hurt by some people, which has caused them a lot of psychological trauma. So much so that in later growth, the individual instinctively wants to avoid some people and some things as a way to avoid being hurt.

People who are always running away, why are they not willing to meet the challenge?
Don't think you can do something about it

People who always run away from life usually have a heart that has not grown up. They treat themselves like children and are helpless in the face of any problem. They don't realize that they have grown up, so they still don't think they can do anything when facing challenges. For children, it seems that the only way to encounter difficulties and setbacks is to cry. But in fact, many children already have the ability to solve problems on their own. In other words, these people who simply run away from problems may not even be as good as children. Whether they are being taunted, encountering obstacles in their studies and work, or any other problems, they do not take any measures and can only passively endure it all.

Not having the ability to take on challenges

People who avoid problems because they don't think they can do something about it, on the other hand, they really don't have the ability to meet the challenge. When people are faced with a problem, they instinctively recall a similar experience. If there is a similar experience before, and then successfully solved the problem, then the individual will be more confident to meet the challenge. However, for people who avoid problems, they lack successful experiences in their lives. All the problems they face are "firsts" for them. But they always face the "first time" in an evasive way, and they will not accumulate any successful experience. They do not have the ability to meet challenges, so they are always running away.

Lack of inner strength

The act of avoidance itself means that the individual lacks inner strength. When two people of similar size fight, the first one who is weak will lose. Meeting a challenge also requires an aura, a strength that comes from within. For people who lack inner strength, even a little frustration, a little problem they can not cope with. And because they are so vulnerable, they always instinctively choose to avoid problems. Sometimes it is not a lack of ability or lack of wisdom, but a psychological feeling of vulnerability that leads to the individual's inability to cope with challenges. There is a saying that explains this: when you feel you are weak, then you are indeed really weak.

How to change the avoidance mentality?
Start with small things and make yourself solve more problems

Avoiding problems and challenges is due to the lack of successful experiences, so learn to accumulate successful experiences. Even if something seems small to you, you have to accomplish it and keep it in your mind as a success experience. Gradually make it more difficult for yourself and keep accumulating successes. You may not encounter similar problems, but as long as you are sure that you can succeed, then you dare to face a new challenge. People who avoid challenges often start by avoiding something very small. Learn to meet challenges, of course, also from some very small things to start. No one can meet a difficult challenge all at once, but always start with small problems and keep building up your abilities.

Encourage yourself and accept yourself

To reacquaint yourself with yourself in the process of constant challenges. You may not have had any confidence in yourself before, as long as you keep meeting the challenges, you will find out that you can do it. To constantly encourage yourself, believe that you can solve the problem. No matter what problems you encounter, running away is always just the next best thing. You have to believe that there must be a better solution. Especially when it comes to relationships, it's not just a matter of running away and holding back to get a good relationship. You have to learn to establish a sense of boundaries with others, and you have to let people get to know you and respect you. When you start to meet the challenges, the picture of your life slowly stretches out.