My experience with depression. The disease that kills the soul: A true story will benefit all of you

Depression is defined as a mental illness in which a person suffers from sadness and negative feelings for long periods, the most important characteristic of which is the sharp and accelerated decline in mood and aversion to activities, as encountered by feelings of anxiety and pessimism that make the individual miss the goal of life, so psychologists know this disorder that affects more than 300 million people around the world and of all ages, and is considered by the World Health Organization to be a disease often leading to suicide. Let's leave scientific speech and statistics aside, and let's talk about this disorder from the point of view of a depressed patient.

Is it just a disease that loses the desire to live and is enough? Certainly not, it is a disease that kills the patient and eats him little by little until he loses life in some way, things seem simple when you read or hear about him, but the fact that it is 'from the land of God and from within god knows God', and because it is considered a defect the patient in Arab circles sometimes has to not resort to a specialist, because family and friends will think of him mentally, in my case the situation was completely different; The importance of visiting a psychologist, she insisted, especially in our adolescence.

But my personal story with the psychiatrist began in April of last year, I did not go with my desire, but rather my father took me to him forced, and the doctor knew that from the beginning, but the relationship between us was built calmly and calmly, although I overcame it with great difficulty, at first I tried to build a thick wall between me and this The simple man trying to convince me that my physical pain affected me in a negative way left some scars on my psychological surface.

• Feelings of inferiority, lack of desire for pleasure, sleep disturbances, appetite disorders, loss of energy, introversion and withdrawal, isolation and suicidal thoughts are all symptoms of this disorder, and I "without luxury to you" have tried them all.

Trying to reduce the impact of the trauma on me, my psychotherapist kept convincing me that I am beautiful in heart and soul, that I am strong, I will get over it in a matter of months, that I am a successful person and my social relations are good, and that my awareness of what I suffer will make it easy, then he ended up with my need to take some simple assistive drugs, some fluoxetine Amitriptyline will be useful and helpful to get out of this fleeting crisis!

• The journey began, I responded to the doctor’s advice and committed to taking medicines very carefully, with an attempt to tame the mind in understanding that I am not only sick. My neurological mechanisms need some help to function well. But I did not have the courage to admit my mental illness, I did not talk about my illness with anyone, even those closest to me, and although my mother knows that the medicines that I am taking are for the treatment of depression and anxiety, she did not talk about it and I am very suitable for that.

After my affliction with this disorder, many things changed, you can feel that in my relationships that I tried to end in one way or another, the family gatherings that I longed for, how I became evading them with all that remained in their strength, I transformed from a social girl who participated in life in a noisy way, to An old woman who ran away from everything that binds the dead to life, silently withdrew from a life I wanted so badly.

Things do not look from here as they do from there, if you see that I am just suffering from depression that you do not know about except that the owner passed through circumstances and made him sad and that he has weak faith in God, then you are undoubtedly wrong, my friend is a corpse who lives the four seasons in five minutes, a lady who lost all What you have in seconds, I am all the mourners in the vast land of God, a displaced homeless refugee, a refugee to a country where everything but normal life.

Then a close friend comes to me complaining about my absence, and another blames my negligence and not answering the phone, and a friend complains about delaying the meeting that would have brought us together, and my sister gets angry because I do not adhere to the regular wake-up program, and my maternal chest is changed for not being committed to the visit, and I am dismissed from the reading club, and I prevent from attending the calligraphy lessons because I am Negligent in attendance.

What is hidden in our depths, no one knows, when you apologize for a meeting, they will ask you for a convincing excuse, and you will either lie or be honest, and both of them are bad. I used to lie at times and it was useful. As for honesty, what ridiculous and mockery he offered me to him you cannot imagine, no one will understand You apologize for meeting him because your mood is bad, or because you did not take a dose of Fluoxetine and feel lost, or because you feel your chest constriction or shortness of breath, or because you are sad because Iohan Moritz hardly comes out of a detainee until someone else enters the novel The Twenty-Five Hour, or you live a period Mourning because the hero of the movie you watched yesterday died in the end .. The endless events that grieve you do not mean anything to others, no matter how close they are to you.

• Feelings of inferiority, lack of desire for pleasure, sleep disturbances, appetite disorders, loss of energy, introversion, withdrawal, isolation and suicidal thoughts are all symptoms of this disorder, and I "without your luxury" have tried all of them, neither dangerous nor disturbing, passing lightly and simply in most cases. The suicide trial was successful, then I can share some comments that will be made about you; The suicide is an infidel, it is not permissible to have mercy on the suicide of the suicide, I seek refuge in God people who do not believe in God and many others.

When you are depressed, no one will care, but when you commit suicide, everyone will care, and they will find you justifications, consequences and consequences, and they will then check the words you said, the looks of her gaze, and your letters that you wrote, they will know on the day of your burial that you were attending weekly sessions with a psychotherapist, and that you were taking triple antidepressants Episodes, they'll know a lot about you but unfortunately late.

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