Each of us has heard at least once that the key to a happy relationship is trust, the ability to hear a partner and make compromises. However, how to apply this knowledge in practice? Here are some really effective ways.

Avoid the "four horsemen of the apocalypse"

It is impossible to live a long life together without quarrels, this is a utopia. Happy couples differ from unhappy ones just in how they know how to get out of conflict situations. Learn to predict the fate of relationships by how spouses talk to each other ...

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The four destructive components of family life: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and alienation. Any conflict in an unsuccessful marriage begins with criticism of one of the parties, then sarcasm and cynicism are used, demonstrating the partners' contempt for each other. In response, the accused goes on a counter-offensive and insults the enemy. As a result, one or both spouses are turned off from the conflict, withdraw into themselves - figuratively speaking, they build an impenetrable wall. The repetition of such conflicts leads to estrangement and, as a result, divorce.

Quarrel right

If you want to talk to your spouse about his neglect of household chores, do not start with an attack. Talk about your own feelings: "I want you to help me more with the housework" instead of "You don't care about your family and you always forget everything." The second necessary skill is the ability to slow down in time, although in the heat of a quarrel it can be quite difficult to do this.

Formal phrases will come to the rescue, which both of you will perceive as a step towards reconciliation. You can even write them down and hang them on the refrigerator as a memo. The next step is willingness to compromise. It is important to discuss the problem only after you have calmed down. Ideally, of course, it's worth starting with this, then many quarrels can be avoided (read also: "5 stages of love (and why many leave already at the third)" ).

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Take a piece of paper and draw two circles, one inside the other. In the internal, write what you cannot concede in this matter. On the outside, what you are willing to compromise on. Have your partner do the same, and then compare notes. So you will clearly see where you have fundamental differences, and where you can meet halfway.

Attention to details

In happy families, the close emotional bond between spouses is clearly seen in everyday communication. Such a trifle as watching TV shows together can say more about a couple than a session with a therapist. Observe how often you and your partner show care and affection for each other throughout the day.

It is important that the desire to please each other does not turn into a competition: "you - me, I - you." It is important here to focus on yourself and learn to give, and not demand something in return. You can make a list of joint actions and have each one choose three of them that they like best.

Observe tradition

Rituals and traditions date back to ancient times among the first tribes. They are needed in order to keep in touch with ancestors, each other, preserve cultural heritage and organize your life. It is not for nothing that the family is called the cell of society, since it reflects its structure at the micro level .

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It is important that traditions and rituals correspond to the worldview of all family members. If your spouse does not eat meat for ethical reasons, the idea of ​​preparing barbecue for the whole family in nature for the May holidays is unlikely to be successful. On the basis of rituals and traditions, symbols appear in the family.

For example, if you play lotto on Sundays with the whole family, the set for this game can be passed down from generation to generation. A family legend about how the husband's great-grandfather saved his beloved from enemies can also become a symbol. Proceed from common interests, then traditions will take root by themselves.

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