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No matter how hard we try or what they say, being special is not appreciated.
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There's a gate between me and them and no way in. I try but I a not invited and disliked.
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It started with a simple drink...
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Feeling ashamed? It's sadness, frustration, and it makes me mad.
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Stress. Falling apart, losing myself...
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What is the stupid laughing about? What is wrong?
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A helping hand is all I need to stand on my own feet and walk again.
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Have a look into my world for a change.
If it comes to it, all artistic and creative people, those colouring life and finding solutions, are like Ian, the boy in the wheelchair ignored and laughed at for no clear reason, the one called weird, disabled, useless and is not appreciated or rewarded not even with a single friendly word. Is it that hard to join hands, or is this only done to take the credit for their brilliant ideas and hard work? Are artists and developers only good to abuse and benefit from because these are the people who can't defend themselves?
1.3.25
All screenshots are made by me, you never know if a video disappears_
Wishing Ian to have the best life while growing up.
It is really hard to live with disability particularly if you are not born with it in the first place because it is truly hard to accept if you do not have God in your life and not knowing that this life is temporary and that the true life without pain, sadness, grief, suffering, and all the troubles in life is in heaven.
By being a spiritual person (trying to be), it is a consolation to me that I have this way of thinking because otherwise I will feel more of the impact of the heaven and earth closing down against me because of this rare and difficult medical misfortune that I can never overcome because I am just slowing bad things down and not stopping it.
But I am happy enough to achieve improvements and that is already a win for me. Now I just need all the love that I can get from the people around me. However, nothing can compare about the love that I get from my Mother who I think is a big binder of our family because she is a mediator to me and my father and other siblings, so if she will be gone I will find it hard to deal with my other siblings other than my one other brother which has the same religious as I have.
But anyway, our family is still tight-knit and I will always get their support in any way possible but not financially because I do not want to put a burden on their shoulders regarding that matter because after all thanks be to God I can already support myself financially in some level.
But I still feel vulnerable for the reason of my dependence on other people, it is not the way of life that I wanted even if I will get an ample amount of it because life is intended to be enjoyed with a normal body particularly with normal body processes and not with this feeling of a constant poison lingering in my blood which is harder than being bed-bound or wheelchair bound for that matter as it is is a form of torture of enduring toxic waste in the blood 21/7 with only getting a relief after dialysis but not really putting me in normalcy and it is beyond disability.
It is too bad that I chose to fight because I can't possibly give-up because a ticket to death is a lingering death and I am afraid of that from happening. So I just try lots of ways to improve my life and deal with the problem at hand, trying radical approach to put some easement her and there, at least many things worked-out great which I am enjoying and hoping for more and praying a miracle to happen again to let me taste how it is to be normal again at least from the inside because I am still alive and the world is still round. Possibilities are endless if God works in a person's life but I have to still suck it up and be brave because odds are still against me, so again I just need all the love in the world.
Thank you Miss @wakeupkitty @wakeupkitty.pal 🌹🌹🌹
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It looks as if you and Ian have a lot in common. He decided to stand up and get through the fence that stood between him and the rest of the world and like Ian you have your mom which is a huge luck but I also believe that if you mom is not around someone else will give you a hand but for that you have to stand up and show yourself.
I thought about this film this morning, and I do believe that we see ourselves differently from how others see us.
Do you remember the part with the coffee cup? If Ian hadn't have felt miserable and would have done as if nothing serious was going on (not held his arm in the hope to make it shaking) no one would have laughed. People, especially bullies, have a radar if it comes to certain behaviour, meaning how many respond is not always about looks but more about how we feel and show that. It's like dogs who can feel fear.
Did i tell you about a schoolmate I had? You could say she was extremely ugly and her legs were disabled. Not very girly either but she had a very pleasant, joyful natures and that overshadowed her looks and made her gorgeous. We lost contact after I moved (more than once) but she frequently crosses my mind because after her I never met someone with such a shiny personality.
It is not bad you chose to fight instead of giving up and dying miserably. I understand it worries you how your near future will look like, but no matter how you see it you did achieve a lot and can be proud you managed to be at least financially independent, which helps a lot and is good for one's ego. I know you are struggling, but you have a lot to offer and many can learn from you.
Let me give you a warm embrace this Sunday!
I hope tomorrow the dialysis will be better or some nurse will wake up and o her job.
♥️♥️♥️
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I'm not sure if artists differ that much from most people, in terms of the quality of their suffering and the abuse the have faced. The latter just suffer more or less quietly where as artists by definition are trying to express themselves.
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I believe they do otherwise they wouldn't be noticed.
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I'm not convinced. Stuff seems significantly more weird when you spell it out, compared to the type normalcy bias we tend to have regarding our own experiences. "Regular" people don't spell it out though, they're mostly just living their life. The unusual thing about artists for that matter is their williningness to talk about it, or to be honest. Kind of. Or at least say things others would rather keept to themselves. Hence artists might seem more special than they actually are, I'd say. It's like stand-up comedy in a sense. There's a lot of funny people who don't become comedians, but they're not looking for that attention. So they're not getting it.
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Attentionseekers are found everywhere and for sure there are many artists who don't jump into the spotlights or promote themselves or their creations. You need to be an extrovert to do that and of course have a lot of time (unless someone else does the job which I find a danger). Developers are creative but you rarely see them, more likely they are scolded and pushed aside by society till Bill Gates shows up to buy and take the credit and the gate is closed.
I wish I knew all those funny people not even a clow in the circus or hospital are funny (more scary) to say the truth? I doubt every artists does that and for sure the critics will find what didn't existed to promote the period the artist had to struggle through or how come the bestseller of 9 seasons of whatever drama is a success and the book isn't because the writer is a weirdo, typing in bed or between cooking and smoking a joint.
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I'm not sure how to phrase it correctly. It's not that others don't seek attention but an artist is putting themselves out there, for whatever reason. Doesn't even mean they seek the attention, but the act of creation externalizes something so it can be touched, studied, and so on. If the world was ending tomorrow and all art but your vanished without a trace future generations would consider you incredibly unique even if you weren't unique at all. Hypothetically.
In terms of the stand-up thing what makes the comedian different from a guy telling jokes at the break room his him having a microphone and an audience. It's the context that makes him special, not necessarily his ability to be funny. Same goes for the suffering of artist I think. I don't think artists have worse necessarily, they just talk about it more, or into the right kind of microphone. That's real problem imo in terms of AI btw. and literature in general, because normally regular people don't write books. I'd argue that leads to the kind of bias that distorts our perception of reality.
Got a practical example. Near death experiences and weird experiences like that. It's not that weird actually. Lots of people have that, my dad included, but they usually don't talk about it. So you only hear from those who do.
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@wakeupkitty
The point is, life is that train that waits twenty-three seconds for you at the station. The destination is uncertain. You carry your suitcase of things for later, pencils fall out, an impeccable bag of potatoes, signed from another latitude. Your hair is disheveled. News on an old phonograph that deflects gravity. They're rock icons or whatever you listen to. And you're still fixed on the parallel lines of a destiny that is going, that is now. The locomotive creaks. You feel the iron tearing apart. Dark lizard in transit. Wet beast that in seconds will be that stain on the horizon, scattering smoke in the memory. And you remained, like a daguerreotype, in the train station. Outside it was noon. And clouds and tornadoes passed by. And that was your life. Falling apart in pieces.
#miner-wewrite #wewrite #comment
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Damn, first I missed the boat and now the train! And the bag of potatoes boarded. Dark clouds on the horizon? The platform is empty but look there is my pencil next to a 50 euro note. I hold it up to the light. There is no message on it. No shopping list for the grocer or the fish farmer either. I turn it over and no, no name of the owner either. Whoever finds it can keep it. Loud thunder in the distance a lightning bolt. I am standing dry in the station building with a broad smile on my face when it sounds through the loudspeakers:the next trains are cancelled because there has been an accident on the train that has just left this station with the final destination the Nordic such sorry for the inconvenience but the para medics and fire brigade do need the rest of the day to clear the s ear and spray it clean. The next train with final destination.
I no longer hear the rest of the direction with the potloo in my hand and the note in my fist the world is at my feet and I leave that suitcase at the station. Snippets from the past I have plenty. I start over and the first thing I do is chase the subtenant who refuses to pay out of the house. The sunlight shines on the tip of my HB pencil. Fascinating how sharp a pencil is. An accident happens before before you can say Robinson...
He waves at me from the other side of the street. Coffee?
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jaja a poco ya podemos comenzar a escribir a duo, Eso quedó genial. xd
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I thought so
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