Within the structural frame you mention, it really bothers me when I go to a meeting, get there on time, then the person says, "We'll start in a couple minutes. We're waiting for more people to show up." In my opinion, that breeds no desire to show up on time. When I start a meeting, we start on time. People who show up late know that they must be to my meetings on time. At the same time, I do not go over the time on my meetings. If the information isn't given out during the time, I know we can schedule another meeting to discuss the matter. It's respect.

As for the 4's or 5's...sometimes the 1's are bad, too. Moderation in all things. As you explained in your story, sometimes you may find others are hurting. If you look at someone and believe they're going through something that's hard for them at the time, you'll probably be right 95% of the time. We all have issues we're dealing with. It's good you reached out. It's good you went to the training. As for problem/polarity, it depends on how strongly those beliefs are held and whether it matters for the issue at hand. If you are polar opposites in belief, but you can work together, that's polarity. If you can't work together because of those beliefs, that's a problem.