The sun used to kiss my skin with a gentle warmth,
A light tan blooming, a natural, healthy form.
Now, I stand in shadows, a self-imposed night,
And tell myself the dimness feels just right.
I’ve gotten darker trying to convince myself it’s fun.
Like a moth drawn to a dying, flickering sun,
I’ve chased the fleeting thrill of a manufactured joy,
A hollow laughter masking what I’ve destroyed.
My laughter used to ring, a clear and honest sound,
Now it’s a brittle thing, easily unbound,
A forced-out exhale, a breath that doesn’t please,
Just an empty vessel carried on the breeze.
I remember summer days, spent out in the open air,
The smell of cut grass, the feeling in my hair
Of a light, warm wind, a touch so soft and mild.
Now I avoid the daylight, like a frightened child.
I’ve gotten darker trying to convince myself it’s fun.
I tell myself the shadows are where I’ve always run,
That the weight upon my shoulders is a welcome load,
A necessary burden on this lonely road.
But the truth sits heavy, a stone within my chest,
A constant, aching pressure that allows no rest.
The truth is I’m tired, so tired of the game,
Of pretending that this darkness is the same
As the comfortable twilight of a day well spent,
The peaceful interlude before the night is sent.
This isn’t peace, it’s a constant, gnawing ache,
A slow erosion of everything I make
Myself believe. I tell myself it’s brave,
This descent into the darkness, this self-dug grave.
But bravery isn’t hiding from the light,
It’s facing what you fear with all your might.
I’ve gotten darker trying to convince myself it’s fun.
I’ve built a fortress of lies, brick by painful brick, one
After the other, until I’m trapped inside,
With nowhere left to run, nowhere left to hide.
The mirror shows a stranger, with eyes that hold no light,
A face etched with the weariness of a long, dark night.
And in that reflection, I see a glimmer of the truth,
A desperate yearning for the lost and faded youth.
A longing for the days when laughter came so free,
When the sun felt warm and good against my skin and me.
A wish to step back out into the light once more,
And leave this self-made darkness at the door.
Perhaps it’s not too late, perhaps there’s still a chance,
To break these heavy chains, to finally advance
Towards the light, to feel the warmth upon my face,
And find my way back to a more familiar place.
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