Steem4nigeria Accelerator Contest Week 45: Marriage and it's Environs

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Marriage is a beautiful experience. I understand that no two marriages are the same and that what works in marriage A, may not work in marriage B, because there are different personalities involved in the two. Moreover, people's background/upbringing matters in marriage, but in all of that, mutual understanding, love and respect for each other enables one to adjust, and make amends. In some respects, people get to know and learn gradually from each other over a period of time.

Like I've mentioned above, no two marriages are the same and what works for Mr A may not work for Mr B. But generally, what makes a marriage work is the ability for the couple involved to understand each other, learn to adjust to fit into the other partner's choice and then tolerance.

On the other hand, mutual respect and love in marriage cannot be rolled out in the success of any marriage. Love is what brings partners together, but in some respects which I've noticed, and I've also seen, understanding and tolerance can breed true love in marriage.

In all, for every marriage to be successful, there must be understanding, tolerance, respect and love for each other.

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Communication in every marriage should be done intentionally. To improve communication, first develop friendships, see your partner as your closest friend. Friends, no matter the age difference, speak freely, joke at will and discuss freely. For the sake of communication, couples should:

• Make every discussion interesting, avoid quarrels.

• Give a positive response to your partner's discussion, that will encourage more communication.

• heart-to-heart conversation too, that is part of communication, it's not just the words of mouth

I value trust more than anything else, not just in marriage but in every aspect of life. Trust in marriage, for me, is the foundation, not "love." I mean what is the need for the so-called "love" based on falsehood and deception?

• Trust brings love: When there's trust, there'll be love

• Trust brings respect and loyalty. It is a truthful partner who will earn respect, that will bring loyalty and unity.

• Trust brings understanding: Trust brings understanding. When a partner is trusted, they'll have room for understanding each other.

• Trust also brings peace and rest of mind in the home.

Trust is a great tool in marriage which cannot be overrated.

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Conflict can be managed with maturity in marriage. I doubt if there's any marriage without misunderstanding or conflict. Through understanding and maturity, misunderstanding can be prevented from escalating. So, couples should learn to:

1. Listen carefully to each other.

2. Always understand that you could be at fault as well.

3. Learn to show empathy to your partner.

4. Treat every case with your partner with kindness

5. Remember no one is perfect, and no two marriages are perfect too, so yours is not a big deal.

6. Avoid laying so much emphasis on your partner's fault. It could be you in the same shoes.

7. Forgive and forget

8. Always be ready to apologise even when you're not at fault. It can eliminate anger immediately.

9. No conflict is beyond discussion. Express your anger, but let it not escalate to violence. That is a no.

10. Remember love "covered all things*" including misunderstanding.

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Cultural differences a problem in marriage? No, I don't think so, love and acceptance is enough. For distance, it can be a bit of a problem. Couples living apart from each other usually breed;

• Suspicion

• May open the door to unfaithfulness in marriage

• When there's unfaithfulness due to the build up of emotional feelings, untruthfulness is imminent to cover the mess

I am not in support of couples living apart from each other. It doesn't encourage healthy marital relationships. No matter what, couples should endeavour to live together as that brings mutual love and unity.

@ogechukwu-martha
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