Destiny's Hamster Wheel

The concept of destiny is usually used for all sort of synchronicity that happen to some individuals, and most of the beautiful life experiences, such as falling in love, winning the lottery, nailing a good business or having an enlightening moment are usually what we claim as being clear destiny.

Rarely do we look at a divorce, a bankruptcy or a bad day as being a consequence of some past causes, a part of a greater plan or simply destiny. Our subconscious mind is used to link positive experiences with destiny, or lets say karma.

I tend to think of destiny mostly when I fail on things, when life suck, or the day sucks like today did, and rarely do I search for a greater master plan when everything works fine... Nope, that's my accomplishment and no God, or universal force, has the merit for that.

I always blame my destiny, if there is such a thing as real as I imagine it, when everything goes wrong, and honestly today everything went wrong, and everything reminded me of almost everything that went wrong in my life, and so on... and ... well that's when I blame my destiny.

When I look at others, although I shouldn't, and see all the good their lives seem to have, and all the shit mine seems to be full with, and then I ask myself why I haven't tried more, and then the answer pops like it was waiting around the corner for this question, and it tells me but you did, don't you remember...

You did and you failed, and you tried again and you failed again, and so on, and why should you try any longer. And that's when the mighty all mighty destiny kicks in again claiming its rights for my shitty life, at least that's what's happening in my imagination. But sometimes it feels like maybe it's not all predetermined, and we probably don't live in a matrix of any sort...

And those are the moments when motivation is shaping itself, again, and growing like a balloon, till it pops and then again the blame goes to... you know by now who/what. That's when only a cold shower or a soft bed can save the day, and sometimes alcohol, but actually neither are saviors in any way. They just take the pain away for a while, and the blame away from the poor old destiny.

Call it like that, or karma or some sort of a life matrix, but sometimes I really feel that this concept might be real, and that no matter how much I try in fixing things, or myself, it's simply impossible, and describing my life the easiest way would be a a never ending spin on a hamster's wheel.

What about you, do you believe in a predetermined life course, call it destiny, or karma? Or you really feel like whatever you experience, it is your own masterpiece. Or is that your predetermined life might be that good that it feels like you're the supreme master of it, when actually not?

Thanks for attention,
Adrian