Neighborhood News (12/12/2019)

As was so graciously mentioned over the community loudspeakers strategically placed on every street corner, and in all of our home smoke detector systems, Home Owner's Association President @battleaxe warned us about the newest menace to our community, the neighborhood flasher, amongst other news that concerns our small, secluded, special neighborhood:

I'm very excited to see that Mrs. Jones is behaving himself and not yelling at the kids that walk past his perfect grass and also Old Man Chuck stopped knocking down my lawn ornaments of Gnomes and Pink Flamingos. There was reported to be a flasher in "The Hood" so be on the look out for a dude described as being, "In a very dark trenchcoat and wearing a hat that says Biden 2020." (https://beta.steemit.com/hive-154988/@battleaxe/who-are-the-communities-in-your-neighborhood)

Now, as Lord Commander of the Neighborhood Watch Association, I would like to give a few brief announcements and warnings:

1. The 7pm curfew is still in effect as my special forces attempt to catch the ellusive Flasher. If you have any details or see anything suspicious, pick up your phone and call it in. Remember, you don't need to dial any numbers, we are always listening.
2. We also have reason to believe that The Flasher, is nocturnal and may actually be a human/bear hybrid. If this is true, filling a tin can with pennies and shaking it in his general direction should scare him off. Keep us informed if this does or does not work.
3. The neighborhood gate will be under maintenance tomorrow. For the safety of all, all doors will remain locked until it is fixed. We cannot guarantee your safety if you manage to leave your home.

I also commend Mrs. Jones and Old Man Chuck for modifying their aberrant behavior. They were wasting community resources while we kept having to drag them back in for detainment / psychiatric evaluation / reprogramming.

And remember neighbors: all grass must be kept at a uniform 4 inches in length and remain Avocado Green. We all remember what happened to John Johnson when he neglected to mow his lawn because he had contracted "the sickness". Compliance is mandatory.

That is all.