Neighborhood News (12/21/2019)

The bake sale to support Rachel's Gluten Free Shop organized by HOA President @battleaxe went off without a hitch. I can personally say that I'm proud of all of our wonderful neighbors for not instigating the typical riots that happen at other, less civilized bake sales. This is what makes Our Neighborhood such a wonderful, utopian place to live.

Rachel is shocked by the support and is offering BOGO offers on select gluten free items in her shop. I stopped by earlier and used the sale to my advantage and picked up various forms of non-lethal suppression tools and gear for the NWA.

In other news:

1. A racoon as been spotted stealing neighbors' trash cans. We don't know what it plans to do with the stolen waste bins, but Mrs. McIntyre was being nosy and saw it dragging the receptacles into the woods behind the tennis courts. Of course, the tennis courts have a flimsy chain fence around them, so anyone playing in the Tennis League should be safe. Just don't forget to warm up and stretch before practice or games! Injuries happen, and opening the neighborhood gate for ambulances takes ages due to paperwork and other bureaucratic red tape involved in the process.

2. We believe that the racoon snuck its way into The Hood during last week's gate maintenance window. It didn't show up on the infrared security cameras, but frankly we're less worried about how it got in and more worried about its friends and family having invaded our peaceful community as well.

3. The Neighborhood Watch Association has mobilized additional units to capture and release these critters before they can gain a permanent foothold in our neighborhood.

Additionally, The Flasher has been caught and brought to justice. It turned out he was just your reflection in the mirror. He was not, in fact, a human/bear hybrid as was originally theorized by the terminated NWA sanctioned scientists. I'm urging the HOA to requisition better scientists for us moving forward.

And remember neighbors: It's the holiday season, so submit all gifts for security screening at your nearest NWA monitoring station at least two days prior to Christmas. And don't forget to leave out milk and cookies for us on Christmas Eve.

That is all.

(Looking to move into The Hood? https://beta.steemit.com/created/hive-154988)