Oil on Canvas
36 x 36 in
2020
I'm finally done with this painting! Some of you might remember that I've been posting black and white portrait paintings and I've been saying it's a work in progress in forever and it seems like it's an unending WIP lol. One of those is this. Now I finally was able to prioritize and finish it, for my portfolio's sake.
Talking about my painting, sleep has been a big part of my life since probably a teenager cos I kept having sleep paralysis til I was able to control it (not being afraid of it anymore). These past few months have been the craziest since I have been having vivid and crazy dreams and I wake up like 5 times every night. I even noticed that I have been having the REM stage in just 5 minutes of being asleep when it should be 90 minutes for normal people.
I did a lot of research before about how PTSD can affect sleep and I have noticed the effects of it myself. One of them is being hypervigilant even when sleeping. That means I get to notice my environment if there's a threat even when my eyes are closed. Probably why I can sleep soundly in public vehicles when commuting and I never miss my stop because I could always tell.
This painting is about that. Because of those experiences, I feel like there are copies of "me" in my subconscious that look after my "real self" so I could be safe during my sleep. They are also responsible for me having such vivid dreams that reflect my current state of mind. Whatever I feel on my waking life, it always manifests during my sleep through dreams... and they never lie.
The dream world has become another "real world" for me. Sometimes it's beautiful, sometimes it's ugly. Most of the time some shit just chases me there and I end up running in my dreams. (You know how running SUCKS in dreams).
Overall, I'm really happy with this painting. It's just anxiety-free for me. I didn't worry about the colors being used or if the doodles make it too much or something. It's just free flow for me. I love it. :D
Detail shots:
I love this one! It has got many emotions in it!
One can be many things! <3
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Thank you! :D
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You are likely aware of this, but your sleep/dream stage made me think of this well known quote:
― Zhuangzi, The Butterfly as Companion: Meditations on the First Three Chapters of the Chuang-Tzu
Source: Goodreads
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Thanks, I don't actually know the quote.. It made me think of it.
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that quote is famous and used often. It opens many possibilities of alternate realities.
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Wow that is a truly beautiful depiction of something a whole lot less beautiful. And what a great way to process and let go of your fear of it too.
Really do love your work.
!tip
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Thank you! I found the strength in turning some negativities into something positive. It makes me feel a lot less bad about it :)
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There is a lot of power in that transformation. Negatives only serve a purpose to the point of that shift, beyond that point they become self destructive.
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Posh: https://twitter.com/hidetheblade/status/1233318200734932992
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Not being able to have a proper good night sleep really sucks and I hate it when I have dreams, coz that normally means I have something on my mind.
Your situation must be pretty bsd if you've had issues since a teenager, kids at that age should only have to worry about school and normally its a phase. Luckily you have your art to help you out
!tipu curate
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You still hate it even when you have good dreams? :O
yeah it's bad when I was a teenager but at least now I found the problem and I have my art. Thank you! :D
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My good dreams are normally when I dream about my parents who are both dead, so its good and sad. I'd rather have a dreamless sleep, unless I dream of winning the lottery, so far that hasn't happened yet.
!engage 30
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@hiddenblade you have received
30 ENGAGEfrom @livinguktaiwan!View and trade the tokens on Steem Engine.
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@tipu curate
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Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 25/30 - need recharge?)
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🎁 Hi @hiddenblade! You have received 0.1 STEEM tip from @jaynie!
@jaynie wrote lately about: Poetry - The Priest Of The Invisible Feel free to follow @jaynie if you like it :)
Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.
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This looks amazing!
Congratulations!
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It is really beautiful to capture feelings, actions, motives, thoughts, and acts in art. You have accomplished so much in this attractive work of art. I felt identified with the forms of the dream you pose. I really congratulate you for capturing so much beauty together.
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