This shall be the last time I wait for a drug dealer!

Source

As always, I'm never afraid to admit my setbacks, failures or shortcomings. I decided that I was done with drugs once and forever, which didn't work really good for me. I slipped again and got back to my bad old habit.

A humiliating part of every addict's day is; waiting for the drug dealer. Everyone has their own supply provider, and it's probably either a long distance traveled or a long time waiting. The last time I went to get stuff I had to wait for over 40 minutes for the drug dealer to arrive.

At these moments, you're forced to face your thoughts; your mind is telling you: how long more will you wait for a piece of drug? You're saying: well, I've waited for this long so I might as well get the stuff I waited for. It's at these moments where you're forced to accept the fact that you are an addict, that you do not have the freedom to walk away and choose not to wait.

The interesting part is; after the dealer arrived and I got my stuff, it turns out to be completely fake, as if it's nothing. As if I gave you a piece of plastic and told you it's hash.

So, I called him, and was successfully able to make a refund. This whole thing took over 80 minutes of mainly waiting. I thought then about all the time I wasted, have wasted, and will waste if I continued to. I also thought about how humiliating it must be if I have to deal with this frequently.

Drugs have consumed the best of me; energy, time, effort, attention and every other valuable resource I have. It's time to quit hopefully once and forever, and I know that recovery is not a straight line, I'll often have my drawbacks and relapses, but eventually I'm going to make it.

My hope is not only that I quit, but that I do my best to help others quit as well, inspire, lead, and leave a good impact on people who suffer as I do before I die. That's a dream that I wish comes true, soon.