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That strange blue stone bought in a market in Calcutta has him confused.
He brought it as a souvenir of the dream trip he managed to make after years of savings and which left him with a well deserved satisfaction.
The merchant in his mixture of indi and spanish explained to him that it was found in a ransacked temple to Shiva and was unique, that he had the property to make his owner travel mentally to events that had happened or were going to happen to him, for that he only had to place himself in a state of meditation, place it in the palm of his right hand, and closing it tightly.
He also assured that this was a sapphire and was the third eye of the mentioned deity, so his curiosity, after his arrival, made him take it to a jeweler who told him that it was not a sapphire or any precious stone, but he also did not know how to define its origin or value.
He did not care about that, its price was laughable and its meaning had only sentimental value, a memory of travel.
However, like the children's story where the mouse fell into the pot because of his curiosity, this one has been undermining his thinking and produced that in the last two months he has tried, following the steps indicated by the merchant, to travel with his thinking but it has been useless.
He understands that the state of meditation needed is not part of his nature, so he enrolls in a course to achieve it and after several months learning the oriental art he is ready to try it.
He puts on soft music that permeates the atmosphere, lights some incense and in half-light sits in the lotus position, taking the gem and pressing it, just as the merchant told him.
After a few seconds, an electric shock runs down his spine from his pelvis to his neck, his thoughts turn into a projection screen and he can see how he gets home on Christmas Eve.
He was nineteen years old and studying at the University, paying for his studies with a part-time job, which had allowed him to bring some gifts to his parents and siblings.
The vision disappears and another one appears where a man who is supposed to be her father, given the resemblance, hugs her mother standing in front of a cradle. In it there is a baby of a few months asleep who is sure it is him.
For several minutes, moments lived and remembered from his past are mixed with others not remembered, given his childhood, he can know through his state the grandfather and other relatives that he only saw in pictures.
Each time the flashes are shorter and one disturbs him, it's about his future.
A policeman takes him handcuffed to the patrol car.
He's crying and yelling that he didn't do it.
The policeman emphasizes that he killed his wife in a fit of jealousy.
The shock brings him out of his meditative state, he opens his eyes and screams.
-Nooooo
The scene is fresh in his brain.
He acknowledges that one of his defects, and one that he still has at the age of thirty, is his mistrust, the product of an adolescent's lack of love.
He hasn't managed to control that monster, despite having a monthly appointment with the psychologist.
He decides it's time to do something.
He takes a piece of paper and writes a brief note.
He places the stone on it and goes out into the street.
It's getting dark and the cold night breeze mixes with the warm day breeze.
He usually has dinner at a fast food restaurant across the city's great viaduct, which is about fifty meters high.
As an automaton he goes there but in the middle of the impressive work, as a trapeze artist who abandons the safety of it, he throws himself into the void, to the amazement of the spectators.
He never thought he would end his life by committing suicide.
In the written note the policeman reads something that doesn't make sense to him.
"I'd rather die than be a murderer"
The blue stone disappears into the pockets of this one.
What the suicide never knew is that if he had reached the day when the vision of Shiva's eye took him, he would be acquitted of his wife's death.
Sometimes knowing the future is not interesting, especially when the subconscious hides so many hidden fears that seize us.