✋🏻 Don't Talk About Them 🤚🏻

✋🏻 Don't Talk About Them 🤚🏻

Sometimes when we separate from a spouse, break up with a lover or end a friendship or business partnership, you may get people from one, the other or both sides who may come back to you with stories about the other person usually in the guise of keeping you "updated" and in the "loop" etc.

On one hand some messengers (usually close friends and family) who mean well and they really (mindlessly) think they're helping by giving you new information about what the other person is doing, where they're at and who they're with to keep you updated and in the loop so to speak.

On the other hand, you've got these other messengers that are essentially energy vampires who are just loving and thriving on the drama that's unfolded so they're gossiping and adding unnecessary fuel to the already raging fire because quite frankly they don't have a life and they have nothing better to do with their time than to be an annoying and inconsiderate nuisance.

Depending on your relationship with the messenger, you can and should set healthy boundaries around information and gossip you may hear about your ex spouse/lover, former friend or business partner, etc

If you're genuinely not interested in hearing gossip, stories or other information about the other person, this is what you can do.

🚫 If you are in low contact with the other person then those around you need to know this.

🚫 If you're in NO contact with the other person then that also definitely needs to be well known to those around you.

🚫 Assertively tell others in your life especially those who are prone to gossiping that whatever the other person is doing is no longer your business and it's no longer on a need to know basis especially if that information is irrelevant to your life.

🚫 Don't badmouth the other person and don't encourage anyone else to either.

🚫 If someone else is badmouthing the other person in your presence then shut them down immediately and tell them assertively that it's hurtful, inappropriate, etc and that it's not to happen again.

🚫 If someone repeatedly and persistently runs back with tales and gossip especially if you've said you don't want to hear then they are disrespecting your boundaries and you need to distance yourself from them if not cut ties with them as well.

❓What should you do it you hear the following lines or something similar❓

🤫 I don't want to bring this up but...

🤫 I don't mean to say this but...

🤫 I know this is going to hurt but...

🤫 I just thought you'd want to know...

The above lines and others like them are usually nothing more than a prelude to them launching into a tale telling and gossip session about the other person.

❓What should you do next❓

🤐 If you're genuinely not interested in hearing it then shut the gossiper down immediately either as they're getting through their opening line or as they've just finished saying it...Don't let them say any more than their lame opening line.

🤐 If they turn around and say something like "But I thought you'd want to know" and the like, call them out on their BS and tell them clearly that you DON'T want to hear it.

🤐 If they persist after you've told them you don't want to hear it then it's wise to end the conversation and interaction immediately and distance yourself from this person.

People who do the above are usually also trying to extract information as well either for their own knowledge and/or to impart to the other person.

The more you don't entertain this garbage and the less information you give or accept, the less the gossipers and tale tellers will bother you, and they'll either fall into line with your healthy boundaries and behave themselves accordingly or they'll just fall away from you and find some other drama and action to get in on 🙄

It's always much better to take the high road and be the bigger and better person 🌻✨

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