Am I Worthless?

I hate not being listened to.

Seriously. When someone interrupts what I'm telling, I get incredibly angry. What's even more annoying is that when that same person devaluates my words by making a silly comment about my opinions after interruption.

However, I'm not a person who can explicitly convey her feelings, especially the negative ones. Instead, I keep them to myself, so I barely tell people how angry I feel.

I've been questioning why getting interrupted makes me so mad, and I think it might be because I'm a person who listens to the people and pays attention to everything they say at all costs. I always carefully listen to everyone and try to make a comment or suggest a solution to their problems even if I'm not at all interested in what they're telling. I guess not receiving the same attitude makes me feel worthless and useless as if I'm not an individual who is worth listening to.

Growing up, I wasn't a kid whose opinions were listened to at home due to the manner of my family. I never felt like I had an impact on any family decision and that my opinions were getting any attention. I was never encouraged to participate in any decision-making process in my family. Even on some basic topics, I had to agree with my father even when I had completely opposite thoughts because otherwise, I would literally "get the stick".

This caused some other important problems in my life later, such as always getting labeled as the "quiet girl" in school who could never participate in classroom discussions or even raise her hand to ask questions. I've been trying to get over this though these past 2 years as I moved away from my family and started to reconstruct my preconceived notions about myself, as well as pushed all the boundaries that I was told I was not allowed to.

Maybe, not being listened to makes me re-remember all these and that's why it bothers me so much. I feel like again my ideas are worthless, my words are only noise, and I should just shut up instead.

I know it's not true, but it can still affect me sometimes.

Anyway, I hope I can get better at not caring about this so much because you can't really change some people, that's how they are, so you have to learn to get along with this and never forget your truth.