Why Your Cat Could Travel Through Time – and You Can't?

Disclaimer
This article makes absolutely no sense from a scientific standpoint. Do not read it, if you are a physicist!

Breaking the Laws of Physics
You’ve probably come across memes and videos on the internet showing cats defying the laws of physics, seemingly creating their own theories and principles. But what if the phrase “The laws of physics are for physicists; I am a cat” were actually true? What if we took this idea further and considered why your cat might be able to travel through time while you cannot?

The Speed of a Cat
Every cat owner knows how fast their feline friend can move. I witness it firsthand every day. Sometimes, it feels like I just blink, and my cat is already in a different place! Especially when it zooms around the house like a maniac, burning off excess energy.

Energy and Time Travel
Let’s think outside the box about how cats might generate this excess energy. We know that, in order to travel through time, we would need to reach speeds close to the speed of light. One way to achieve such speeds is through antimatter. When matter and antimatter interact, they generate enormous amounts of energy, which could allow our feline friend to travel at 300,000 km/s.

How Do Cats Generate Antimatter?
That’s an easy question! Through their daily grooming routine, which they perform multiple times a day. Their rough tongues, covered in tiny hook-like structures, effectively remove dirt and dead fur from their coat. Once this dead fur enters a cat’s digestive system, it undergoes a highly complex process. It is exposed to pressure, temperature changes, and specific enzymes—this process might explain why cats are so picky about their food choices. They select only the ingredients that enable them to efficiently generate antimatter.

When too much fur accumulates in the digestive system, the next phase begins: a reset—system purification, which results in the formation of a hairball. The hairball is an antimatter carrier.

The Antimatter Boost
During the formation of the hairball and the attempts to expel it, some of the generated antimatter is transported to the cat’s muscles. There, it binds with them and provides the cat with an energy boost. This is the moment when your cat starts zooming around the house non-stop. You could say this is a special training session meant to prepare your feline astronaut for interstellar travel.

When you see your cat jumping between tables and windowsills, making sharp turns between the wardrobe and other furniture—knocking over your favorite plants in the process—you’re likely witnessing a simulation of the gravitational forces it would experience while accelerating to the speed of light. Thanks to this routine, cats are well-trained astronauts.

The Mystery of the Hairball
But what about that hairball lying on your living room carpet? Perhaps it holds the greatest scientific secret of all time. And yet, you simply throw it away?