The Fight Against Procrastination: A Conversation with Myself

Another day, another round of just sitting around and pushing tasks to “later.” Later translates into an hour, two hours, four hours, tomorrow, the weekend, next week.

As I write this text, I’m writing to myself. If I were giving someone advice, I would tell them:

"You are unemployed and have so much time. Use it to write a golden résumé, search for jobs, or get things done around the house or garden. Why don’t you learn something, like that Java course you wanted to take? Or refresh your French skills, continue writing that story, finish composing that song, or work on the game you started in Unity."

I’m looking at the screen in front of me, and the sun’s reflection is making it hard to read. Yes, I wanted to move the furniture around. Oh, and while I’m at it, I need to get the water boiler fixed and the chimney cleaned.

Instead, I dropped my kid off at school this morning, went back to bed, and tried to sleep, which didn’t work because I had already taken my ADHD medication. Now I’ve got an energy boost and am writing this text. At least I’m doing something. Don’t I want to feel like I’ve accomplished something today or this week?

Every day feels the same, and from the list I enthusiastically wrote on Monday, the only things I’ve managed to do are:

• Take out the garbage
• Sketch a few interior designs for the home office

My small child has done more than me today; by now, he’s already halfway through his school day.

Now the arguing sets in:

"Come on, don’t be so hard on yourself. The past few months were difficult. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off, install a game on Steam, and relax?"

Day in, day out, the same story. I believe the hardest thing about doing nothing is simply getting used to it.

The universe doesn’t tell us what to do; it supports us in whatever we choose to do because it wants us to take the first step.

I am tired of myself. I’m usually a person who acts without hesitation, impulsive, energetic, and full of enthusiasm. My biggest problem is my knowledge. I’ve picked up and learned so many different things over the past 40 years that I don’t know what to choose first.

It’s like a series of failing automated tests, jumping to the next task until the test run is over, but I don’t check the results. I just kick it off again tomorrow.

I didn’t try any techniques for overcoming procrastination. I’ve just been sitting at my desk day in and day out for the past few months, browsing the internet, playing computer games, or distracting myself in other ways. Writing this text is my first attempt at doing something different.

I was at the same point four months ago, and realizing how useless I felt put me in a deep depression. Waking up in the morning, I thought:

"I’m a useless human being, and my family would be better off without me."

I immediately sought help and overcame this negative thinking. No life is easy, and everyone has daily problems to solve. Just think of people in war zones—they would be happy to simply search for a job, do housework, or tend to a garden.

Nobody is free of tasks or problems to solve. The easiest way is to do nothing, but nothing is never an option.

Why is it so hard, though? What am I afraid of? What keeps me from trying?

I’m not afraid of failing, and I’m not too much of a perfectionist. The only thing that might keep me from doing anything is probably the fact that I don’t know where to start. Why am I not writing more job applications? Because I don’t like rejection, that’s what I’m truly afraid of.

One thing’s for sure: my list of problems to solve is getting longer and longer. Time passes quickly, and another day will be over in the blink of an eye. It’s as if I’m standing in the street, and a bus is driving toward me. I’m not just standing there, waiting for it to hit me. I’m stepping aside.

Fight or flight? Fight! But how?

I know procrastination is part of a bigger fight-or-flight response, but I haven’t figured out how to deal with it yet.

Where is my inner warrior? Maybe the best thing right now is to tackle smaller tasks, baby steps just to get something done. Writing this helps, but I’m still not much closer to action.

First step: post this text. My coffee is almost empty; I’ll get up and get another cup. When I come back, I’ll finish my office layout. Once I have that, I can start removing cables and electronics and move the furniture around.

If you’re in the same situation, let’s talk about it and see how we can motivate each other to get out of this loop.

I’ll see what story I can tell next week about this.

Source of Picture AI generated