TELL YOUR STORY

Pixaby

You ain't pretty they said.We love her tall, no! I prefer the short one. No, average is ok for me, I will go for the thick one. Slim fit is actually the best. Lol dude check out she ain't got no ass man. Right in my presence these nigghurs of mine called friends talked about the lady who walked past them. Don't do that! I exclaimed.

I suddenly became visible but I'm being shut up once more. I am reminded of being too thin. She is further said to be one whose ugliness is to be kept at a museum as an artifact. “We are just managing you ooo ”, they concluded. This was a joke to them but they had given me an opinion and another version of myself. This wasn't the first time. I was body shamed by both teachers and students and now my friends.

It creeped in. I finally gave it a chance to settle down. Insecurity came to stay. Lack of confidence found its way in.

Like a rabbit wrapped and trapped in the coil of a snake, I belittled myself. I took into things I shouldn't have done. Drugs! It became part of me. All this was to make me put up some weight as advised by friends but nothing changed.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! I let out a loud scream yet nothing seems to work. This isn't me I said and concluded within myself. But there was no one to turn to and confide in.

Feeling dirty and guilty, I cried the tears which only my creator could understand. I had let it creep in the insecurities and low self esteem struggled hard and were at the verge of destroying me. I thought I wasn't good enough.

It's eight pm, I returned from church, greeting my aged grandmother who takes care of me. I crept into my bed to have a night rest.Yet, it seems the creator had denied me sleep for the night.

Crawling out of the bed, I creeped out through the window to the wind wandering river bank just to stare at the moonlight. I also dared to count the stars.

The breeze swept across me, as I sat sullen. Staring at the moonlight, the body shaming and voices of the people who did that to me,was pictured clearly in my mind. Meditating on what was spoken in church, I cried to my creator.

Her self-esteem had been damaged.
Her confidence trembled. I sobbed and creeped back to my room through the window. Before going to bed, I flipped my bible and it took me directly to the book of Psalm 139:14, which says:

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that fully well."

Indeed, this was the therapy I needed all along. I realized that all along, I had condemned the beautiful creature God created and made it feel less of herself. That night, I cried and pleaded for forgiveness. I accepted myself, The holy spirit had its way in my life and gave me the confidence and strength I needed.

The night was peaceful and I arose to a new peace of mind. No one could make me feel less of myself again and I made sure I stood up for those who are also victims.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ he is a new creature. Christ helps strengthen and give us courage in a world who gains pleasure in mocking every beautiful creature God created.

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Is your picture next to charming in the dictionary? Because that's what you really are, don't let anyone make you feel less than these. You are a diamond and a gem. Your grace can't be comprehended.

My moral lesson for today is learn to appreciate yourself