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Having a big bro that can be a superhero at the same time to his little sister is a treasure. If you have that one big bro that stays all by your side for your safety then you are blessed.

I have this one "kuya" of mine, we were not very close when we were still young. In fact we separated when I was still 4 years old and he was 10 years old because our parents migrated somewhere apart in Mindanao together with my other siblings and 3 of them decided to stay to continue their studies. After 3 years our parents decided to go back home with us and we reunited again with my other siblings.

At first I was very aloof with him because I can't remember him since I was still very young when we separated ways. As Time went by we became close to each other. He helped me on my projects most especially in drawing because he is really good at this field. He's been very supportive to me even though he's not vocal but he is always there whenever I need him and supports me all the way. He has a silent personality, even if he gets angry he still chooses not to show it to everybody and not to say a thing against anyone. He is also very industrious, respectful to our parents and God fearing. I have such fond memories with him during our childhood days.

We are very poor and our parents cannot send us all to school so he sacrifices his studies for us, he quits his studies and chooses to work at a very young age to help out our parents. When I reached college, I went to Cebu to look for my fortune. I continued my studies while working in one of the fast food chains in the City to support my tuation and stayed with our eldest sister at the same time he also applied for work in Cebu which is also near to us. He visited us one time and we noticed he's weight loss. He is also experiencing strange pain in his abdominal area. Pain became serious and he turned very skinny. We forced him to stop working to rest his body, he stayed with us in a very congested boarding house. Our oldest sister started to hospitalize him and took some CT scans and other laboratory tests to find out what's happening inside his body. We found out that he has hepatitis and needs immediate relief as early as possible. Because we don't have enough money he was not admitted, instead he was given medicine to cure such illness. My sisters decided to send him back to our province for the healing process because no one can take care of him here in Cebu since everybody is working.

He finally went home and became even worse. His eyes turned into something yellowish, his stomach got bigger and bigger while his feet and legs were swollen. The medicines had never cured his illness. My parents tried to consult a faith healer but nothing happened. We are all in panic and restless because of the outcome. They decided to send him again into the hospital because he has breathing difficulty and he can't even lay down to sleep. When he was admitted, I quickly returned home to look after him in the hospital. I filed for a one week vacation leave at my work and good thing it was summer break and have no classes. That time was so painful, witnessing every detail of his struggles was very tragic and depressing. He was very weak and weary and all those antibiotics that were injected into his body and every injection were very painful that made him squirms. I wish I could took his pain for a moment or I could pause the time free so he can run off from pain. I don't have enough money to buy his requested foods and our family too were starving, so I visited some of our relatives near the hospital to ask for food or any amount and return back to him quickly when I got some and brought him some fresh fruits and foods that he liked. I refuse to eat whenever he offers me to eat, it was because the food I brought were just enough for him. The next day I had to roam again to our relatives to ask assistance, this is the only thing I could do for our survival in the hospital which is miles away from our home. I have not slept, I assisted him throughout his darkest days. The hospital is not well ventilated so I am fanning him to ease his discomfort and pain. It's been almost 1 week staying in the hospital guarding him and I need to bid goodbye to him because I need to go back to Cebu to report to work or else I'll be terminated. When I left him the only words that I uttered was "I have to go" while stuttering, not looking straight into his face so that I wont see the sorrow that was obscuring into his eyes and I don't want to cry in front of him because I need to be strong for his foundation to keep fighting. My youngest sister took over my part and I gave my phone to him so that he can have some entertainment while staying in the hospital. When I took my steps away from the hospital I had with me a suitcase full of grief. I burst into tears and pleaded, very heart broken of what misfortune my brother had to take and even questioning God's unfavorable plan for him. I stopped walking and sat on the pavement because I was shivering, wailing for hopelessness. I hate the idea of losing him but I think I was facing a despairing reality, still hoping and praying for a miracle even if it is too vague this time.

A week after the doctor had already surrendered him, he advised to take the patient back home because there's no more hope. My parents had no choice so my brother was sent back home. He was in a very bad situation. One day he was staying in our veranda sitting in a chair horizontally and hanging his feet in another chair to gasp some air and looking very hopeless but still fighting because he wanted to live more years. He suddenly cries and feels anxious in pain, calling my mother and father and other siblings names. Everyone is around him except for the 3 of us, his sisters who are far from him at that time. He was hugging my mother and father while saying "Nay, Tay, pasayloa ko'' while shedding tears, he was hallucinating, he could see things that everyone cannot see and telling them that he was riding in a boat facing a dazzling light ahead of him. He was out of his mind totally then suddenly blood was running into his nose for almost an hour and after that he was not breathing then.

A phone rang, my eldest sister answered it and my mother was in the other line. It takes a minute before my mother finds the right words to say "He's gone" and finally says it. My eldest sister was looking at us, shading with tears and then screaming out loud. Without saying the words we already knew the dilemma and out of nowhere my tears were already dripping in my face and my heart was shattered all of the sudden. We had lost our brother, my closest brother, my defender, my best buddy is now an Angel. He already rest and surrendered his life to God.

To my dear brother, I may not be there when you were panting but there would be no time that I wasn't praying for your recovery. I wish we could have enough money to sent you in a more effective and efficient hospital that can treat your illness in an instant. I hope I could turn back time and could take care of you so you wont got that illness from somewhere else. Until now I'm still longing with your presence, how'd I wish heavens have a line and surely I'd call you there. Your not so little sister anymore missing you so much. You'll never be forgotten.