The pilot study - NaNoWriMo 11

"It's a pilot," dad said, "but I'm sure it will work. I made a study out of it."

He grinned as he showed me the drawings in his scrapbook. "You like them?"

I nodded although I wasn't sure what I was looking at.

"It took me years but you'll see it works. We'll need it."

He looked at mom who slept. She stopped singing as soon as dad came back. Instead of singing, she cried. It was the first time I saw my mom cry. Dad had put her in bed and stroke her hair till she fell asleep.

"Honey bee, the blackout... I fear it will not end soon. Mom and I spoke about it," he hesitated as he saw how confused I looked, "we'll leave soon, we have to leave."

Shocked I looked from dad to mom. Would they leave me behind? I didn't want them to go. This was our home. I liked it here, I liked to be with mom and dad. Was this why mom taught me how to cook, why my parents said I didn't want to be single for the rest of my life?

"You can't go daddy, you and mom have to stay! Don't leave me behind!"
I sank on the bed. Sharp pain in my chest made me gasp.

"No need to panic dear. We will not leave you behind. If we leave we go together. The three of us. No one stays behind."

Dad looked worried. Was he because of mom or me? Mom looked like a ragdoll and I just had a panic attack. That's how mom called it as dad told her. A panic attack and to fight it I had to be strong, needed courage, faith, skills and a bag. A paper bag. Although paper was rare dad found some. One he placed in my sight.

"It will keep you safe but know you don't need it. You are strong, just like mom you are."

"Do we really need to leave?"

"We want you to live, to see the world outside. I know this is your world, the world you are used to but if we stay it won't work out well. Not for us."

"But how do you know daddy?"

"We'll lose our jobs. Without work, we lose the house, the pantry, everything that's dear to you, me and mom. You know she grew up here. This always has been her home."

I didn't know what to think. What if there was no life outside? Was there a way back home?

"Do we really have to leave everything behind?"

"We won't. We already packed. Things we need might need on the way or at our arrival. See it as an adventure, a new start. Is there anything you like to take along with you? I have a bag for you. It's old but it's strong. You can take what fits into it and you can carry."

Dad and I drank our tea and he made a quick meal. I never knew he could cook but now I understood why he always won the recipe game we played. Dad felt restless because he had things to do and since mom was asleep.

"I take care of her daddy," I said. "We both can sleep while you are away. It doesn't matter if it's day or night."

I felt tired too. Just like mom, I needed to sleep. I wasn't used to the new life yet and now dad said we had to leave. Leave to where? I hadn't finished reading the notebook. I had so many questions and no answers. If needed a nap. The nap I always had if mom and dad worked and in the afternoon. Later, when I woke up everything was back to normal. I was sure it was a bad dream. We all would be in the living. Daddy had switched the screen on, mom and dad went to the study because of work. We would have late breakfast together with food out of the delivery cabinet and we would be happy. Mom would be happy, my chest wouldn't hurt and the paper bag was gone. I didn't wait for dad's answer. I would sleep next to mom just like I did before.
A sight of relief escaped as I closed my eyes and cuddled against mom's back.

"Are you sure," dad asked.

"You close the cabin daddy. I don't like that smell. Mum doesn't like it either."

Did dad hold his breath as I mentioned the terrible stench? I fell asleep before I could ask what caused it. The only thing I wanted was this nightmare to be over.

Mom stayed in bed for three more days. At least that's what dad said. I couldn't tell the difference. No light, no alarm or screen told me what to do.

"My body tells me what to do," dad said which is odd because bodies don't speak. I never heard a little voice telling me what to do. They always took care of me. Those leaders but dad said they gave up on us. Not on everyone but us. Did we do something wrong? I always behaved and so did mom and dad. Now they decided who can stay in their houses and who has to leave. Did dad know?

"I counted with it. I'm not born or raised here. I came and stayed for your mom dear. We had a good time, a good life, we were safe. Now it's time to move on. Time to start something new."

He showed me his scrapbook with the patterns again.

"This is all we need. It's our way out of here. I calculated it and make sure no one will ever get inside of here. Not in the bunker, not in the pantry. You see this?"

He pointed at some small lines and figures.

"You know what this is?"

I shook my head.

"This is our way out. Not long ago you asked if you could climb in there..."

He paused and waited for my response. I studied the sketch closer.

"The chimney. The opening behind the oven."

Suddenly I felt excited. Dad didn't forget what I asked and now he mentioned it which meant mom agreed. A wide smile appeared on my face.

"I assume you are ready to go then?"

I nodded and grabbed dad's hand hastily.

"Can we go now, please?"

I looked at mom.

"You can go but do not stay out there too long. We still have to eat."

She looked very skinny in the light of the candle but she smiled. I jumped for joy and was happy to go out, to see the pantry.

"Wait a minute take this flashlight."

Mom handed me over the small light I never saw before.

"If you turn this crank you have light. Just keep turning. Be careful don't drop it or bump it against something. We'll need it on our way out."

I hugged mom and held dad's clothes with one hand.

"Let's sneak out of here," dad whispered, "don't say a word till we are down there."

Down there was at the end of the ladder. I never climbed one but liked it. The dark didn't bother me. Dad went first and told me what to do. Holding the cold stairs and one foot down and the other one. One foot after the other.

"Slowly," dad whispered, "feet on the steps, not on my head."

Dad waited for me and caught me as I reached the last steps.

"I carry you for a while. There's a leak somewhere. I hope we don't need to wade through much water. The black pool was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. It glistened in the light of the torch.

"You can walk now. It's a long walk but you need to practice."

"I can walk daddy you know I can. I" m not a baby."

Although I couldn't see his face I knew he smiled.

"I know you can walk but this will be different. We all need to practice and work out, train our muscles. If we leave we carry what we need."

"Mommy too?"

"Yes, she too. Next time she will come along with us. She already feels better and while we training our muscles she's busy upstairs."

I didn't ask what mom was doing. I enjoyed the walk with dad, a walk underground in what he said were tunnels of long ago. Escape ways out of warzones to us the way out of the smart city with all the great things I loved about it. I played with. the light of the pocket torch. It danced on the walls of the tunnel. I kept turning the crank fast, slow while I automatically followed dad. I was so distracted that I didn't notice the light at the end of the tunnel.

"We're almost there. You like to have a look or are you tired?"

"I want to go over and see the light."

"Let's see what shines over there but you have to walk back. Understood."

I felt excited. Not only because of the light but also because of the breeze that came along with a scent I never smelled before.

"Don't run, keep walking at the same pace. Save your energy. We are not there yet."

Dad was right. The distance was longer than it looked like but it was worth it. It was hard to go back into the tunnel. I knew mom waited for us but I would have rather stayed outside enjoying the moonlight.

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