WHAT THOUGHTS SCARE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

I want to write it the way it comes to my mind.
Dying without actually living; fulfilling my most passionate dreams. Living out my wildest imaginations.

Forgetting who I am.
Losing myself. Destroying my mind.
Ending up in a union that'll bring the end of me.
It's a year today since Michael died. It's one of the most painful deaths I've ever known. One of the scariest too.
Michael had plans. Dreams.

It was like he had it all planned out and sat waiting for the time to arrive.
But before time could, Michael was gone.
I think about him and it scares me.

It isn't dying young.
It is dying with all of the awesomeness I carry. It is continuously playing small and end up regretting not doing the things I have always dreamt of doing because of circumstances I never thought I could handle.
I have lost myself once and although it took a little while before I realized I was lost and began a search for myself, it is an experience I would never want to have again.

Every time I remember how I wandered, the suicidal thoughts, and every other negativity that it came with, it scares me.
I am a lot stronger than I ever was and I know it would take breaking my soul into pieces before I lose myself again, remembering that it ever happened scares me.
I would never wish that experience on another.

I have known unions that put an end to lives - not necessarily leading them to death.
Unions that have stolen dreams.
Peace.
Confidence.
Happiness.
It scares me.

Unions that stifles until one wouldn't have spaces enough to spread out their wings.
A union that would continuously keep me down until I begin to believe it is evil to stand.
One that will take away everything that makes me.

My writing, every other thing I do, and everything else I would get into.
Like, I would never be without children.
Today, I spent over two hours with a good number of them and I would never want anything that takes away the light they bring into my life.

A union that calls my friendship with them childish. Loneliness.
A potential love interest once thought it in that way and it was enough to show him my back.
It also scares me that people are doing evil with so much confidence.
Men raping women because they will always get away with it.

It's Nigeria.
Women molesting men because they'd almost always never speak up lest they be viewed as things below the man.
People playing with other people's emotions because they can.
I'm scared of a lot of things. But these are the ones that come to mind more often.

What thoughts scare you?