True Life Story 1
“Do you know Mr XYZ？” Auntie asked me as she drove us to the market.
“No Ma'am, I don't” I replied wondering how my argument led to that question.
She had told me some things earlier in the discussion and I was arguing about confidentiality of patient information.
“Well, his wife is a fellow nurse, （let's call her Nurse XYZ), she once saw a family friend in their teaching hospital. She was rushing to greet him, wondering what brought the man all the way to their own city and to the hospital since him and his family lived in another state, then she bumped into a nurse working in the heart to heart section （let's call her Nurse H2H） of the hospital.
So Nurse XYZ quickly greeted and apologized to her colleague explaining that she was rushing to the greet this man and pointing to his direction. Nurse H2H on turning to see the man XYZ was pointing to, recognized that he was their patient and said to Nurse XYZ ：
Oh, that man, he is one of our most dedicated patient, he comes here with his wife often, the wife is too young and too beautiful that it is even hard to tell which one of them got the other infected...
“Wait, you mean he is HIV+？...
“Oh, I thought you knew hence your coming to this side to look for him...” Nurse H2H replied.
“No o, I just saw him by chance now and was even wondering what brought him to this place as they live in another state,...and it does not sound like the woman you are describing is his wife, you can't possibly say that someone my age or even older than myself is too young”
“Your age kwa！No the woman he comes here with is quite younger than yourself, by far o” H2H refuted.
“Really？... biko nne, when next they come just send for me, let me peep from afar to confirm, because I know this man and his family very well. I need to be sure the wife is not in danger and unaware” XYZ explained and H2H agreed to the arrangement.
“Two months down the line” Auntie continued with her story-telling “Nurse H2H notified XYZ that the man was around, she came and observed from afar that the man was actually the one, however the lady was not the wife, but looked like a girlfriend （side-chick）." Auntie shook her head in palpable sadness before continuing.
“ Overwhelmed and feeling sorry for her fellow-woman, Nurse XYZ called the man's wife and asked her to quickly check her HIV status. As expected, she tested positive. The disturbed wife pleaded with Nurse XYZ to tell her what she was hiding from her. Pressured and sympathetic, XYZ told her about her husband's status and hospital visits. The heartbroken woman confronted her husband. One way or the other the news went around like wild fire and eventually got to the notice of the hospital management, with the culprit husband issuing threats to the institution. End of Story; Nurse XYZ had her license temporarily withdrawn and was suspended from the nursing practice for 10years. The man's wife eventually died of the infection and no one knows the whereabouts of the man; whether he is alive or dead”.
I guess Auntie wanted to drive home the dangers of not keeping patient information confidential, but she actually sent a thousand wires sparking in my head in other directions.
True Life Story 2
Two weeks ago, I was narrating the story above to a friend during a discussion, he in turn told me how his own aunt was a victim of this sort. Her husband got the infection through an extra-marital affair, he found out and began his medication and never told his wife whom he had already gotten infected. The wife realized much later during a hospital visit, she confronted him and asked him to get tested after much refusal he agreed and then opened up. Fast Forward to this moment, they are both late and they left behind a beautiful daughter, who was barely two years when they died, she is now 6years old and in the care of my friend's family.
True Life Story 3
Last week, as I and another friend discussed this same issue of inter-spousal transmission and other related issues, she told me another story, about a woman who during ANC confessed to having kept her status hidden from her unsuspecting husband. The doctor could not do much in favour of the husband but simply advised her to open up to her husband, which she didn't.
Now let me go straight to the point I want you to take home, but first just before you think this is some kind of table shaking post, let me remind you that every year, I try my best to put up a public sensitization post on December 1; World AIDS Day. It just happened that this year I have got to tell it to you as it. I was busy on December 1 but I knew that this post is better shared late than never.
There are men as well as women who have been infected by their spouses, so this post is not targeted at initiating a blame game but to pass across to you these few life-saving point：
Cheating on your spouse is equivalent to attempting murder. If you cheat on your spouse, you are capable of killing them. Yes, you heard me, you can kill them as well as yourselves, even though you never intended so. There are lots of incurable sexually transmitted diseases, besides HIV that can be picked up from one careless walk in the park. Even those who manufacture and sing the gospel of condom still tell you that “Abstinence is the best form of protection”, stick to your spouse. Condom cannot do much for you in protecting you from the likes of Hepatitis, HPV and the rest. Guard your loins people. This begins by guarding the affections of your heart, fleeing from temptation and not entertaining what should be best avoided.
If you know your spouse is cheating on you or cannot get hold of themselves, dearie kindly protect your self by abstaining from sexual intercourse with them or ensuring maximum protection whatever that means to you！ First, get yourself tested, know your status, repeat test after three months and cease to expose yourself to them！ Don't come and tell me how difficult it is to protect yourself from a cheating partner, because dealing with being infected by them will be ten times more difficult emotionally, psychologically and otherwise. Protect yourself and if they want to have it as it should be with you, then they should pack their legs together, get tested and stick to you alone, that was the agreement ain't it？
Do not let anyone cut your life short or leave your children motherless or fatherless as the case may be. You may say “Chiamaka you won't understand”. Yes my dear, you are right, I can never understand why you should risk your life, your future and that of your children sexually appeasing someone who is reckless enough to put you all in danger and whom have refused to be appeased by just you and you alone.
If you are caught up in an extra marital affair, first be fair enough not to sleep with your spouse after you have just woken up from the bed of another that they are unaware of. You have already cheated on them and are probably blaming your village people and all the hormones for what is clearly your fault, that may pass. But pray tell, what and who will you blame for deliberately having sex with them when you are not even sure if you have picked anything from your sidechick/sidecock, or worse, when you actually know you have contracted some sort of infection.
That is inexcusable and simply goes to show how heartless, mean and wicked you are to make another share in the consequences of what they had no hand in. By all means you are a cold-hearted Murderer and should be in Sambisa with the Boko Haram. Be fair enough to your partner by protecting them. Open up to them, seek their forgiveness, get yourself test and repeat test after three months. If they forgive you, learn your lessons and never repeat it again.
Lastly, let everyone keep themselves updated about their status. Do not give yourself any reason why it is not possible to get the infection, check your status today and if you test negative, do yourself good to remain negative by all means. If you test positive, be kind enough to yourself by ensuring you enroll in a hospital where you will get the management you need, and do the world a favour not to spread it. Instead of going on a revenge mission to spread it, why not protect yourself from being re-infected （which will be increasing your viral load） and stick to your drugs, so that you can live as long as is your portion and even have an undetectable viral load that is not transmissible.
Let each person pick the message that addresses them and act accordingly.
Below is a picture of Mandisa Dukashe who has been positive for 16years but she did not only succeed in keeping her self healthy, she got her viral load reduced sustainably to undetectable levels, she got married to her husband who is negative and she continually keeps her family safe. The second one is the story of Camille, who was infected at 23, got to know her status at 25, today she is 50, healthy and has never infected anyone.
Some people may be infected, but all of us are affected because the loss of one life diminishes us all. Therefore, let us keep ourselves, loved ones and neighbors healthy and safe！