I saw a meme in a group a week ago. And I have also seen it again somewhere, today. It's about a woman building a house for her parents while her family doesn't own one, and her husband sending her out of the house for doing so. So there is this debate going on about who is right or wrong.
There are so many issues going on right now that I want to write on, but I doubt there will be enough space on any platform to contain my thoughts on them.
I'm particular about this topic because of how sacredly I view the institution of marriage.
Here is my take on it...
Warning: This comment is not for everyone. It's for only those with good sense of reasoning, and those who are willing to become thinkers that can unlearn to relearn. Mind you, it's a very lengthy comment.
I'm not going to directly address the issue at hand to try to decipher who is right or wrong, instead I'll be addressing a very fundamental issue—which is our idea, perspective and orientation of the concept of marriage.
It's so unfortunate from the comments I have seen concerning this issue that most people do not know Jack about marriage or what it entails; unfortunately, married people inclusive. Some people unbelievably see their spouses as 'outsiders' and strangers. They'll be like 'him and his people', 'she and her people' Really? Are you sane?
Incase you don't know, your spouse is your most immediate family. In fact, s/he is not only that but also part of you. You both are now one entity—not understanding this is the foundation of all of these kind of problems.
If you understand that your married partner is now part of you, in fact s/he is now a member of your body. Both of you are a part of a pair that is incomplete without the other, if you understand this, you will start to reason differently.
Have you ever seen a person that treats one part of his/her body differently for the other part? Like for instance, someone would say 'this is the left side of my body, I'm going to fuck it up so badly, it will understand it isn't part of my life' would that not be outrageous and insane?
Imagine one part of your body being treated as a stranger and an outsider, how will the whole body look like? Very deformed I must say. And unfortunately that's how most couples are: very deformed.
Listen well, until you understand that your partner is now more of your immediate family than your parents and siblings, you have no business getting married—cos you'll only be creating a dysfunctional home.
Now if you understand that your spouse is an extension of you, you will not choose a spouse that do not share the same ideas and values with you. You will choose someone with similar values, principles and perspective to life. And if you do that, you will not be afraid to share your intentions, plans and actions with that person, because you reason alike, so you will automatically gravitate towards the same ideas; even if not immediately, but eventually.
If that becomes the case, the above issue will not arise in the first place. If the man or the woman wants to build a house for their parents first, they will discuss it with their partner and give them reasons why. For instance, the man/woman can make his/her spouse understand that the parents in question is dependent on him/her and have sacrificed a lot to get them where they are, even sacrificed their chances of owning a house, just to give them the best training to ensure they become relevant. And now they want to bless their parents in return with a house before they build one for themselves. No reasonable partner will see that as being selfish. They will see it as a laudable sacrifice.
Knowing your spouse is putting his/her parents comfort first, would make any reasonable person appreciate their partner more. You will see the partner as selfless and kind. Because s/he is denying him/herself that comfort as well.
It's when you don't see yourselves as part of each other, that's when you will start making an issue out of such laudable gesture.
Some of us need to unlearn our idea of what marriage is and give ourselves fresh orientation. How you see your partner will reflect on how you treat them.
Now, The question is: is your partner a part of you or is he/she an outsider/stranger?
Is your partner your immediate family or is he/she just one necessary evil you have to include in your life for procreation sakes? And whom you will be too eager to dispose of if need be...?
Someone your share utmost intimacy with, you both have unrestricted access to each other's body. You lay in each others arms. You have even created lives together, but you still see each other as strangers. In your mind, he's that man from Nnewi, that man from Benue; in your mind, she's that woman from Delta, that girl from Ondo... Are you sane?
Pls, if you don't understand the concept of marriage, don't bother involving yourself in it. Save those who understand the meaning, a lifetime of stress and trauma. Or simply find the ones who share the same deformed ideas with you, so you both can be dysfunctional together.
I would rather stay single than get involved with a partner who knows nothing about marriage.
God created marriage for two people to become one. Two persons becoming a complete whole, cos one cannot make a complete pair on its own.
It's like the way we have a pair of legs. Having a single leg is being deformed. So it is in marriage. The pair(man and woman) makes the complete whole.
So please, in choosing a spouse, find and be a suitable pair. Don't join yourself to someone you see as a stranger or who sees you as such. Let's change the narrative.