It's been three weeks of quarantine and I don't know how much time I'm gonna be inside my house. Before this I didn't go out too much, but everything changes when you don't go out at all and your mental health depends on it.
It's true that we're all inside, in a total quarantine and hive plenty of time to spend the way we like the most, but we have to keep it real, there's a pandemia all over the world, the caos is invading us slowly and when we don't expect it, it will be too late to do something. I know this is suppose for everyone to say what we're doing with our time or expect to do, but you don't have to force yourself to do something, it's okay to do nothing and keep your mental health the best you can, no one and nothing can force you to do something that you don't want to, specially when the world it's falling apart. If you're busy it's okay, if you're not it's okay too, don't let anyone make you feel bad for taking care of yourself.
I'm a persons who suffers from anxiety, depression, panic attacks and I overthink everything, and right not everything it's getting worse inside my head, so I'm doing breathing exercises for 30 minutes to 1 hour at a day, it helps so much, I didn't try before, but I have to do it, the situation makes me do it. I just close my eyes and while I'm breathing everything elses it's slowly disappearing and my mind calms down. After this ends I'll keep doing them, I don't know what to do now without it.
I love to read, and I try to do it at least 1 or 2 hours per day, the maximum time it's 5 o 6 hours, but my eyes don't let me do it for so long, so I take it slowly. I just read the following books: The Sacrifice by Margaret Iggulden, Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, SOS in Space by Lewis Jones, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë; and I started to read the following books: Third Girl by Agatha Christie, Paula by Isabel Allende, Le milliardaire by Michel de Saint Pierre. I love all them in their own way. I would write about them, make a review or something, but I lack the energy to do it, I have the ideas, what can I say, how to say it, but I just can't do it, it's frustrating when you want to do something but you just can't start, you feel like if you're disable. That's what mental problems do to you. There's one book that I want so desperately to read and it is The Miserables, before this quarantine ends I'm gonna read it.
I'm writing this after four days without doing it, well, I write small things, parts of my dreams and phrases that maybe won't see the light, not soon, I guess. I can write two hundred or one thousands words per day, but not all days I can. Every piece of story have a part of me, and after I write I get exhausted so I have to rest, I never force me to write anything if I don't want to or I can't. Art can't be born when you're obligated to make it, it has to come out of you without control in order to be real, to be authentic. I made three post with my stories this last week, you can check them out here: Isolation, Almost perfect, The saddest conversation. I hope to make three or mare this one, I'm writing a story about traveling around the world when it's full of zombies and everything it's normal, and another two heartbroken stories.
In my presentation to the hive community I said that I spend one year without leaving my house, and a lot of people during that year asked me if I was agoraphobic or something alike, but I'm know, at least the last time when I check it out. I try to spend more time with my family, go out of my room and talk to them about anything, whatever they want, and it's getting easier, I'm used to be lock down for a long time, but they aren't so I try to make it easier for them sharing company and making small talks about memes, news, and having fun all us to relieve the tension that we all have. Now I can be two hours talking with them without feeling uncomfortable and wanting to go into my room for the rest of the day.
I'm watching movies and series this days more than ever. There's days that I can't go out of my bed, I feel so down and depressed that I can't even eat and I spend most of my day watching movies, I love horror movies, dark ones, but this quarantine I'm watching love movies, it's weird, I say it to some friends and they asked me if I was sick, I said yes, we all laughed because it's true, my mind it's almost always bad, unless when it's not and I'm unstoppable. Some of the movies and series I watched and I'm watching are: The Windemere Children, Jojo Rabbit and Hunters, this three pieces are about the holocaust, I'm trying to make posts about them, I even have the images but I can't star to write them yet; Bombshell, Parasite, Te prometo anarquía, Beastars, Yu-Gi-Oh!; Dark, The OA, The documentary 'Don't Mess with Cats', the movie 'Cats'; as I don't have any record of what I read or see I can't remember all of it right now, I can forget about a movie in a second, once I watched 'Nocturnal Animals' and when it ended I realized that it was the second time me watching it, it's kinda crazy, but whatever. Right now I don't know what else I'm gonna watch the next few days, but I always wanted to watch Penny Dreadful and I already have it, I'm gonna start to watch it in the next few days.
One of the things I'm loving right now it's that musicians are making art for all of us in a amazing way. Music it's been always one of the ways that I get distracted, and the new music that they're making really helps when you have your own voice screaming inside your head saying things that you don't want to hear. A lot of them are making love events and here are some of them, I really loved them. Here are some of the live music that they play, Elderbrook, Mansionair, Alessia Cara, and Glass Animals.
I have some friends all over the globe and maybe I will never meet them in real life. We care so much for each other, we help us when we don't want to deal with ourself, we are for each other in times of needs like this one. I use to isolate myself and don't talk to any of the for days, but we need each other right now, we talk and say how much we love us and no matter what we will be there always. They're too important too me and I don't know what I would do without them in my days.
I'm practicing my English almost the whole day, the movies I watch are in English with subtitles, most of the songs that I listen are in English, some of my friends only speak English and one book on my list is in English. I'm learning a lot of new things, and practicing every day I'll be better than I was yesterday.
I also help to wash the dishes, clean the house, to cook and to do the laundry. My mom raise us without any prejudice and we do everything as iquals.
To finish I'm gonna say it again, if your doing nothing it's okay, you don't have to read, to write, to make plans for the future and get anxious about them, mental problems are real and if the only thing you can do it's to take care of yourself so you don't lose your mind, it's okay. There's always gonna be people who will try to make you feel bad or less for not doing exercise, or not reading or not making any plans, but if you can't do anything don't do it, force you're to do it only will make you feel bad, you have to put yourself first instead of everyone else.