If you are a content creator, you might experience burnout at least once in a life time. It is a state when someone is feeling mentally drained to meet constant demand and expectations. Everyday is a living hell and no matter what you do, it is never going to be enough and make a difference.

I experienced that. Perhaps, I am still in that phase now.

As much as I believe in steemit and steem vision, there was a time when I wanted to step back from it. I wanted to know what was life away from blogging, away from creating content, away from staring in front of my laptop continuously. I wanted to know what was my life without it. I simply couldn't picture it and I tried.

Photo by @plqml on Unsplash

I found it hard to quit.

I suppose, I am already way too addicted and there is no way back.

But there was a tipping point where I could not find a single word to write. Even today it is still difficult for me to articulate things I experienced. On the other hand, I still feel compelled to create more content and there is pressure to put " quality" content out there. So, to satisfy sharing my inner shit-post skill, I resorted to other centralized social media.

And it just feels different.

I always feel like I have to watch things I say and I have a very little space to express myself. There is little freedom of expression out there. Basically, get woke and get cancelled. The hurdles I face on steem is quite different,I have pressure to constantly create a content that is valuable, as there are benefactors who have supported me quite generously over the course of my journey on steemit.

Each time I am filling the blank page and trying to write what I thought, sometimes I hold back. What if my content is shit? what if my content is not deserving to receive such rewards? sometimes I think I deserve more, why would I still get less? I have constant self-reflections and questions about my activity on steemit. I wondered and wondered but I always fail to execute my reflection.

Hence why, I try to cure my burnout by taking more actions. I will write everyday to find that vigor back. To find words that are missing, to find flow in my story-telling skill, to find a life and hopefully joy in my creation.

Having a burnout was really detrimental to my life. I lost many opportunities, ruin my personal and even, financial life. I just wished to never experience a burnout but I did. It has been a year since I try to make myself work harder like I used to, but it has just been a constant failure attempt.

But I am not going to quit. Not yet.

If you ask me, I certainly have tried plenty ways to get out of the rut. None of it has been working. It was only sending me to a state of bumhood. No. It is not an ass. But it is a way to say that I have been idle for the last couple of months. Even then, during my idleness, I have been hustling like there's no tomorrow. It is like there is no way to get out of the loop and breaking the chain.

Maybe I have not find it out.