What's it's like to be a problem gambler (an essay)
Yes. Gambling is about fun and excitement. It all started innocent. Looking back, I was definitely a casual gambler,
betting 10, 20 dollars here and there, betting at soccer matches. I have to admit it was definitely fun, but as years go by,
after losing quite a bit, I was chasing the losses and at some point, my stake became around a thousand dollars. I don't know about you. It was more than a month worth of salary here in my country. For some people, it is worth more than that, like three to four months salary. The stress and anxiety following that was quite unbearable. It took me for a while to realize it but it was definitely becoming more than just entertainment. That's why they say "when the fun stops, STOP". People say that it's like a drug, wanting more and more to satisfy the crave. You have to increase the dose, which is the stake amount here, to meet your craving. And, I definitely agree with that. I have to stop.
I am struggling with my gambling addiction for more than a year now. During that period, there was a successful three month gambling free period. I felt liberated. No stress, no gazing the results of the match on the screen for whole day long. I felt more energized. Things became quite clear to me. What I did was quite stupid. I felt a great sense of regret, but, at the same time, I didn't let it get in my way. That was quite a productive period.
And the time came. A word that was not in the dictionary by accident. Relapse! And Woosh! That was so fast. I was broke now. It was so harsh this time. The regret I felt previously were nothing compared with this time. Why man? WHY? I did everything I possibly could. I deleted all the gambling associated apps. I didn't watch soccer matches. I even tried to set myself apart from friends who were still gambling. What happened? Why didn't it work? Why am I in relapse now? Why did I have to suffer this agonizing pain? Too many questions nagged me and I was miserable. I blamed everything and everyone, but one thing clearly stood out. The problem was with me. I believed I could pick good matches and beat the odds. And, just as always, it started casually. Behind the mind of every problem gambler, there was a false and quite dangerous belief that they could beat the odds one day because of their past experiences. The reality is your mind is tricking you into believing such a thing to just satisfy itself. That's your mind craving. The saying "your biggest enemy is your mind" holds hundred percent true in this scenario.
I am now 34 and still living with my parents. It's not that I don't want to, but looking at what others have accomplished
in their lives, I can't help but just think about all the things that gambling have taken away from my life during this 20 years period of time. That's my experience with gambling. If you are a gambler yourself, be careful. People sometimes say 'there's nothing innocent about gambling'. It has its own merit. If you are a problem gambler, watch out the tricks your mind will play with you. Even if you are not a problem gambler yet, all I can say is you better stop before it's too late. I can tell you a big list of things that gambling will take away from you.