Nobody holding me back except myself, that's what I realize
-- Action Bronson, The Hopeless Romantic
I am no longer serving myself. A critical issue in my character was a poor, irresponsible center. There are far greater pains than an admission of fault. In fact, even success follows a series of failures. The guilt of a poor decision and the burn of a betrayal, for one, have brought me to my knees before. I wandered, pitiful and distraught, puzzled how she could hurt me like that. I lashed blame out, to whip everyone with responsibility, when my fate is mine own to beat out.
No longer do I seek validation of my actions from my peers. After all, I need only follow my personal mission, to stay true to who I am. In that sense, it grows as I do. Digital photography, like my former self, repeated single efforts to meet an objective, with every other attempt facing deletion. I cannot manipulate an error in analog photography, let alone delete it. I am to drop the defense of my errors, just as I accept any outcome of my work as I scan negatives. I’m pleased as punch; my art is a journey of learning about technique and the self.
There’s no such thing as a fair battle in life. Those play by their own rules, win.