Fear of Disappointment- Quarantined Thoughts.

Its 6:38 in the morning, the sun just rose before my eyes and I’m still thinking. Thinking about what I have done with my life.

While sitting in front of my laptop looking back at my old photos with buddies, neck-deep in nostalgia, in places and moments that have left a vivid impression of actual freedom in my soul, I just realized one thing, I am afraid.

And like me, there are many others, because I know some of them. We, the afraid bunch, have wasted a good amount of our life just sitting through traffic while commuting to our jobs and when life is so unsure, we will have nothing good flashing before our eyes at our last breath. In an attempt to not disappoint others, we have disappointed our soul.

For me, I have always been afraid. Afraid of doing things that others might not like me for.

Like, I am afraid of my partner leaving me if I just pack my bag and hit the road, alone, to explore this beautiful world.

I am afraid if I didn’t try hard enough, my boss might fire me, from a job that I do not like and do not care about.

I am afraid that if I follow my heart, I will not be able to follow through the burden of responsibilities on my shoulders that I have to take care of.

In this tug of war between the calling of my destiny and my fears, I too have lost half of my life doing absolutely nothing. On the 37th day of quarantine, I realized that I do not know if I might be able to survive the quarantine but I have a long list of “Never Did”.

Because I’ve never tried.

While thinking about what I want, I am sure about at least one thing. I always wanted to be that guy on YouTube, who just because he wanted to has traveled from South America to Alaska in his VW Kombi van. He did not follow the path that the society has created for him, which it does for everyone else, he made his own path.

I’m not saying you have to choose to travel as your calling, I am also not saying that you can choose only one. But you do have to choose. In the end, we all will have nothing to take with us. We always think of what will come next, what would buy in the coming future. And the story of our life becomes lifeless, joyless. What? Don’t you want something unique written on your Epitaph? The headstone in your grave? I know I want.

Listen to me, blabbering on and bitching about my failures. I guess this too goes as much for me as I intended it for my readers. But one thing is for sure. You will see a lot of travel photos after the quarantine is over and if I’m still alive.

What I’m trying to say is, it's mandatory to have at least some sense of self-fulfillment at what you do. For example,

To be completely honest, I came to this platform like many others who wants to earn money, earn tokens. But the more I kept writing, the more I fell in love with this, the freedom. Why wouldn’t I be? Nothing is censored here. You can write or go on about doing anything.

You can have opinions without the repercussions of hurting others' feelings. You can be as much formal as you want or the reverse and the more value you’ll add, the more they’ll listen to you, opening their heart, their mind, letting you explore the uncharted territory of nature’s most amazing creations.

The money is just a bonus in this context. Before blogging was paid or it had a way of earning money, most of them did it because of passion. To let others, know the special and intricate things they found while exploring life. Teaching about soul and philosophy as a teacher in the school of life. What I want to become.

These are some migratory birds that come around winter every year. Just a random photo from those travels of mine