上次说到，父亲查出得了“癌王”——胰腺癌。在大医院看了两次专家，得出的结论是已经是四期，也就是晚期。胰腺癌治疗难度大，化疗痛苦且收效甚微，效果也不确定。但即便如此，也不能什么都不做。在这种情况下，通常都会求助于中医。在去门诊按中医吃中药之前，如果能办理一个慢特病的门诊医保，可以报销部分费用。其实现在中医一点也不便宜。
然而，大医院的专家以我们放弃化疗、没有做穿刺、没有病理报告为由，拒绝出具诊断书，所以办理不了。但不管怎样，尽管我不是很相信中医的。在这种疾病面前，哪怕是一丝希望也不能放弃。即使是安慰剂，也有安慰剂效应存在，所以自费也要去看。
家里有亲戚在肺癌手术之后，一直在吃某个老中医的中药。我们也想去挂他的号，但他的号还挺贵，200多块钱一个，而且挂的人很多，在手机上抢都很难抢到。最后，我们还是找关系才挂上了这位老中医的号。
说实话，整个过程有些抽象。首先是在另外一个房间里，让他的一个徒弟写病历，也就是把大医院的检查报告简单地摘抄一下。等到叫号了，就可以进去看了。那位老中医满头的白发，身形有些胖，长得还算慈眉善目。他首先看了看他徒弟抄写的病历，上面就两句话：“胰腺恶性肿瘤，肝多发转移。”看完之后，他就对父亲说：“莫急，有药医。”然后翻到病历的封面，看到父亲的年龄已经过了70岁，又说：“就不要搞有创伤的治疗了。”
接着就是中医的那一套：把脉、看舌苔。看完舌苔之后，他还说舌苔看上去很好。然后他的两个学生就在电脑上打出了一份之前就准备好的药方，他在这副药方的基础上对部分药材进行了增减，就结束了。最后，他嘱咐我们去另外一家私人医疗机构购买他家的祖传秘方“抗癌散”，搭配着这些药材一起喝。
说实话，这些过程我看在眼里真的是一点信心都没有了，感觉就像是在看一场表演。但也没有办法，父亲拿到药之后还是很高兴的，心想终于有人愿意给他治了。他甚至非常起劲地煎药，感觉又有盼头了。我也只能抱着一副“信则灵”的态度，毕竟中医比西医提供了好得多的情绪价值，这也算是一件好现象。但理性告诉我，这副中药能够起作用的可能性微乎其微。当时我也没有更好的办法，如果知道虫药抗癌的信息，也许会去尝试这一种。
说到这一点，还是挺佩服父亲的。父亲全程都知道自己的病情，也知道自己即使在最好的情况下，也很难活过一年。如果是一般的人，哪怕是80岁以上的老人，也未必接受得了，不知道会产生多大的心理压力。但父亲的态度一直都很坦然，他要求我们不要把他当成癌症病人，就像平常一样对他，他也是这样做的。
在确诊后的头一个月里，也许是病情的发展还没有严重到影响他生活质量的程度，也许是中药的治疗给他带来了一些心理上的安慰效应。他也像往常一样跟我们一起生活，每天早上送小宝贝去学校上学，然后在外面逛一逛，买点菜回来，有时候还帮着做点家务。吃完饭、喝完中药之后，会在小区里像往常一样散步，仿佛什么事情都没有发生一样。
然而，这一切将在不久之后戛然而止。有时候我在窗台上向下望小区，会发现父亲散步时的背影，这让我联想起了朱自清那篇著名的散文《背影》。想到不久之后，这个背影就要消失了，就要永远地消失了，悲伤又涌上心头。
As I said last time, my father was diagnosed with "cancer king" - pancreatic cancer. In a large hospital to see the specialist twice, came to the conclusion that it is already stage four, that is, advanced. Pancreatic cancer is difficult to treat, chemotherapy is painful and ineffective, and its effectiveness is uncertain. But even so, nothing can be done. In such cases, Chinese medicine is usually sought. Before going to the clinic to eat Chinese medicine according to traditional Chinese medicine, if you can apply for a slow disease outpatient health insurance, you can reimburse part of the cost. In fact, Chinese medicine is not cheap at all.
However, the experts in the big hospital refused to issue a diagnosis on the grounds that we gave up chemotherapy, did not do puncture, and did not have a pathology report, so it could not be handled. But anyway, I don't really believe in Chinese medicine. In the face of this disease, even a glimmer of hope should not be given up. Even if it is a placebo, there is a placebo effect, so go to see it at your own expense.
A relative in my family has been taking some old Chinese medicine after lung cancer surgery. We also want to hang up his number, but his number is quite expensive, more than 200 yuan a, and a lot of people hang up, it is difficult to grab on the mobile phone. Finally, we still find a relationship to hang up the old Chinese doctor's number.
To be honest, the whole process is a little abstract. First, in another room, he asked one of his apprentices to write the medical records, that is, to simply copy the examination reports of the major hospitals. When the number is called, you can go in. The old Chinese doctor has white hair and a fat body. He is kind and kind. He first looked at the medical record copied by his apprentice. There were only two sentences on it: "Pancreatic malignant tumor, multiple liver metastases." After reading it, he said to his father: "Don't worry, there is a doctor." Then he turned to the cover of the medical record and saw that his father's age had passed 70, and he said, "Don't engage in trauma therapy."
Then there is the set of traditional Chinese medicine: feel the pulse, see the tongue fur. After looking at the tongue coating, he said it looked good. Then two of his students typed out a prescription on the computer that had been prepared before, and he added or subtracted parts of the medicine on the basis of this prescription, and it was over. Finally, he instructed us to go to another private medical facility to buy his family's secret family recipe, "anti-cancer powder," and drink it with them.
To be honest, these processes in my eyes really did not have any confidence, it felt like watching a performance. But there was no way, my father was still very happy after getting the medicine, thinking that someone was finally willing to treat him. He even worked very hard to boil the medicine and felt hopeful again. I can only hold a "faith is spirit" attitude, after all, Chinese medicine provides much better emotional value than Western medicine, which is also a good phenomenon. But reason tells me that there is little chance that this medicine will work. At that time, I did not have a better way, if I knew the anti-cancer information of insect drugs, maybe I would try this one.
Speaking of this, I really admire my father. My father knew all along that he was sick and that even under the best of circumstances he would not survive a year. If it is an average person, even if it is an elderly person over 80 years old, it may not be accepted, and it does not know how much psychological pressure will be generated. But my father was always very calm, asking us not to treat him like a cancer patient and treating him like a normal person, which he did.
In the first month after diagnosis, perhaps the development of the disease has not been serious enough to affect his quality of life, perhaps the treatment of Chinese medicine has brought some psychological comfort to him. He also lived with us as usual, taking the baby to school every morning, and then walking outside to buy groceries, and sometimes helping with the housework. After eating and drinking Chinese medicine, I would walk around the community as usual, as if nothing had happened.
However, all this will soon come to an abrupt end. Sometimes when I look down at the neighborhood on the windowsill, I will find my father's back when he is walking, which reminds me of Zhu Ziqing's famous essay "Back". Thinking that soon, this figure will disappear, will disappear forever, sadness came to my heart.
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