我与父亲的最后时光（一）

回顾一下爸爸从被确诊胰腺癌到去世的这段经历，也算是对这段黯淡的、痛苦、但又是人生中必然要经历的过程做一个告别，继续前行。

在我的印象中，父亲的身体一直都很不错。但正是这种自信蒙蔽了双眼，使得疫情过后这两年，父亲身形明显瘦削了，我也总是因为他的精神状态还不错，便认为这是衰老的自然现象。去年他还发生过一次非常奇怪的全身性皮疹、瘙痒难耐的情况。虽然看过医生，但医生也认为这只是老年人免疫力下降引起的小毛病。现在看来，这些都很可能是胰腺癌的早期征兆。

就这样在不知不觉中时间流逝，生活像往常一样度过，平淡但也满是那种小确幸般的幸福。去年8月，小宝贝放暑假期间，我们还特地带爷爷去海边旅行，度过一段幸福快乐的时光。说实话，这也是这么多年来第一次带着老人家全家一起出游。本来还计划着年底寒假再出游，没想到这一次竟成了最后一次。

就这样又过了两个多月，到10月20几号，父亲突然说要去医院看病。他是一个平时言语比较少的人，所以这之前也没有听他说哪里不舒服。这次去看病是因为上腹不适，我们还沉浸在那种小确幸般的生活当中，殊不知一场惊涛骇浪已经近在眼前。

当时认为也就是个消化不良之类的小病，都没有陪他老人家去看病，都是他自己跑的医院。医生给他做了一个腹部CT平扫检查，第二天才出报告单。现在报告单可以用手机上网查看，结果不看不知道，报告单上赫然写着"肝脏多发低密度灶，怀疑转移瘤"。转移和肿瘤联系到一起，往往就意味着已经是晚期了。

这几个字犹如晴天霹雳，不敢相信父亲已经是癌症患者。于是连忙请假，下午带着他看了一个肝外科专家。因为CT平扫看不清楚哪里是原发的肿瘤位置，当时还心存一丝侥幸，希望是一个比较容易治疗的肿瘤，生存三五年不成问题。可见了那名专家之后，他看了看片子说，肝上的转移一般都来自腹腔里面的器官，很可能是胰腺。

当时听到这话，真是五雷轰顶，胰腺癌，那不就是传说中的癌症之王吗？专家准备开检查单做进一步检查，但他的电脑坏了，又辗转去找另一个医生。开出了增强CT和肿瘤标记物CA199的检查单。CA199是验血，结果当天几个小时后就能拿到，而增强CT需要预约到第二天。

等了两个小时后就可以在网上查出肿瘤标记物的结果了。父亲的这一指标高达1000，所有的侥幸想法在这一刻都灰飞烟灭了，悲伤的情绪顿时涌上心头。而整个看病过程父亲都在旁边，他的化验单上也写着怀疑“胰腺恶性肿瘤”，所以根本瞒不了他。在第一时间他也得知了自己的病情，"这是最厉害的那种癌吧？"看得出来他有些沮丧，但情绪比我还是要稳定，"我也过了70岁了，要坚强点啊，别难过，你的身体也不好。"在这种情况下，他想到的还是我。

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Looking back on my dad's journey from being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer to his death is also a way to say goodbye to this bleak, painful, but inevitable process of life and move on.

As far as I can remember, my father has always been in good health. But it was this confidence that blinded his eyes, so that in the past two years after the epidemic, my father was obviously thin, and I always thought that this was a natural phenomenon of aging because his mental state was not bad. Last year, he also had a very strange rash and itching all over his body. Although I have seen the doctor, the doctor also thinks that this is just a small problem caused by the weakened immunity of the elderly. Now it seems likely that these are early signs of pancreatic cancer.

So unconsciously in the passage of time, life as usual spent, plain but also full of that kind of small true happiness. Last August, during the baby's summer vacation, we took Grandpa to the seaside to spend a happy time. To be honest, this is also the first time in many years to take the old family together. Originally planned to travel again in the winter vacation at the end of the year, did not expect that this time has become the last time.

After more than two months in this way, on October 20, my father suddenly said that he wanted to go to the hospital to see a doctor. He is a person who usually speaks less, so I did not listen to him say what was uncomfortable before this. This time to see a doctor because of abdominal discomfort, we are still immersed in the kind of small lucky life, do not know that a storm has been in sight.

At that time, it was thought that it was a minor illness such as indigestion, and he did not accompany his elderly family to see a doctor, and he ran to the hospital himself. The doctor ordered a CT scan of his abdomen, and the report came out the next day. Now the report can be viewed on the Internet with a mobile phone, the results do not know, the report apparently wrote on the liver multiple low-density focus, suspected metastatic tumor. When the metastasis is associated with the tumor, it usually means it's advanced.

These words are like a bolt from the blue, I can't believe my father is already a cancer patient. He hurriedly asked for leave and took him to see a liver surgeon in the afternoon. Because CT scan can not see clearly where is the primary tumor location, there was still a trace of luck at that time, hoping that it is a relatively easy to treat tumor, survival of three to five years is not a problem. After seeing the specialist, he looked at the scan and said that liver metastases usually come from an organ in the abdominal cavity, most likely the pancreas.

When I heard this, it was really thunderous, pancreatic cancer, that is not the legend of the king of cancer? The specialist was ready to order a test for further examination, but his computer broke and he went to another doctor. Enhanced CT and tumor marker CA199 were examined. CA199 is a blood test, and the results are available a few hours later that day, while enhanced CT requires an appointment until the next day.

Wait two hours before you get the results of the tumor markers online. My father's score was as high as 1,000, and all chance of luck went up in smoke at this moment, and sadness came over me. And the whole process of seeing a doctor father is beside, his test sheet also wrote on the suspicion of "pancreatic malignant tumor", so it can not hide him. In the first place, he also learned about his disease, "This is the worst kind of cancer?" I could see that he was a little upset, but he was more stable than I was, "I'm over 70, be strong, don't be sad, you're not in good health either." In this case, he's still thinking of me