Contest: When The Heart Cries

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Hello amazing Steemians over here, how are you all doing. It's such a great time to be alive, and the fact that what hurt us never killed us is more than a reason to be grateful to God for. So, today, I am here to share with you all one out of my bad experiences in a quest for finding true love, though it will get me teary, but it will be worth sharing.

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Yes, just like every other person, I have been in a very dreadful relationship that I almost lost my sanity. So, it all happens when I was still in the higher institution, I met this lady who I confessed my feelings to and my intentions towards her, she accepted me and things went on really fine.

It was all rosy not untill I asked her to start school since she lost interest in education, I was able to revive her passion towards her academics again, I was struggling alone to go to school, no helped but from my eldest sister, so she gained admission and things began to change, her first semester, I went on to do odd jobs just to get her textbooks and pay for her matriculation fee and other mini expenses because I am really passionate about education.

With all I did, she would rarely tell me "thank you", the sign was so glaring but I was blind, that year, 2020, I was about graduating but then I also had to help her pass her first semester examinations, I risked my education, entered her exams hall and helped her write the exams, please don't judge me, I was just being stupid.

This went on for three days before my project defense, but then, I noticed she never saw it as anything, I was becoming sick, preparing for my defends and reading her course handouts so I could get her a good grade. At some point, after the exams, she stopped calling me, she only called me when she saw her results and she scored parallel As. It was fine by me but I was hurt beyond repairs, I slept at the hospital for days and she never came to check on me.

After some months without seeing her, I started playing football to keep myself busy atleast if I could forget about her, so we had a match with the neighbouring street, I went to get my football boot and it was in her street, I branched her house to say hi to her, but she treated me like a total stranger, I left with a very heavy heart. I went back again that night and I met her making out with another guy, it was hurtful, like it was really hurtful, but then I was still foolish, I took her phone and asked her to come see me so we could talk.

Just when I was about stepping out of her compound, she started screaming thief! Thief!!,thief!! Pointing at me, the street boys came out and started hitting really hard on me and were about to burn me when the Police interven and they were stopped. Till today, I still can't forget that day (15/03/2023). Though I have gotten over her, but the maltreatment I got from her and the way she told the other guy I was just her classmate has always be hovering my memory.

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It's one of many state I don't want to find myself ever again, because i'm really an emotional person, it could mess with my mental health, even at some point I might even loose focus of the necessary things in life, I remember when I couldn't defend properly, just with a teary eye because I was going through love sickness.

Secondly, I can't even wish my worst enemy this, because at some point I was contemplating suicide, I even took overdose that landed me in the hospital for days, I started feeling less important, maybe I wasn't just good enough to be loved or something, a lot of these thoughts kept running through my mind.

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Though it was never easy for me, but I came to realize that, whoever wants to stay will stay, you just don't have to fill in the loop alone just to prove any point, my effort will only be seen by those that genuinely loves me.

Secondly, after I recovered fully, I began loving myself and respecting my own opinion, we can only attract the kind of love we show ourselves, if you love yourself less, then be ready to get the same from some other person.

I stopped hanging my happiness on others, the best of all happiness lies within me, it was left for me to see it, seeking for validation from others only limits the way I see myself. Right now I am much happier being me than how anyother person sees me.

I stopped being desperate for love, I learnt this in a very bad way, immature people only knows how to capitalize on our desperation, it is left for us to take our time and go for what we deserve , not just take whatever is thrown out way.

I became really intentional about my growth, for real, I was so intentional about my mental, psychological, spiritual and physical growth. I began investing in my future, moved out of my parents house and took a job, she came back, but I was far above being such a clown I was.

I invite @etette, @panamaprecious and @goodybest to participate in this contest if they are yet to.